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'my first day in China Open' - Common App Essay---extracurricular activity


Lauyiker 1 / -  
Nov 18, 2012   #1
Briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences.
Can you help me check this essay? Is it qualified?

The sun that day seemed much bigger than it used to be. I felt like a cat on a hot brick outside the tennis court while waiting for the ball kids. It was my first time serving as a volunteer in ball kid management of China Open.

During the first game in the morning, I was waiting outside when ball kids are serving on the court. Surprisingly, the door opened in the middle of the game. The chair umpire came out, followed by a girl who didn't say anything but cry. She was Lora. "Take her to the shadow and have a rest. She was accidently hit by the serve." The chair umpire said in a hurry while talking on the interphone. I handed Lora a bottle of water, "Are you ok? Do you need to see a doctor?" "No, I'm fine." She replied in a low voice and huddled up in the corner. She was different from other ball kids. The accident had formed a strong barrier in her heart. Since then, Lora became abnormally quiet and unwilling to talk. I tried to cheer her up, but she regarded me as invisible air and isolated herself.

That was such a big gift for my first day in China Open. Essentially, I thought that the volunteer would not be that hard. I had prepared for nearly half a year in get to know about every work principle, location of the court, and solutions of accidents commonly happened in the previous times. But there is always something that you cannot anticipate. Normally, if the children are hit by the ball, nothing serious would happen after several minutes' rest. They are eager to go on the court even if it hurt badly. Their motivation never dries up. However, Lora's behavior really confused me. "It is not that easy. Something serious must have happened on her." I thought.

After the game, I went to see Lora with a bag of candy. I found her sat quietly in a corner apart from others. I can tell she did not feel hurt anymore, but apparently looked scared. I often play tennis, and I know the speed of serve is extremely fast. As for the serve of a professional tennis player, we normal people couldn't even catch the ball with our eyes. She may have a tough time overcome the shadow. I sat beside and comforted her. I know that it takes time to open one's heart. In doing so, I could feel Lora slowly letting me into her world. She told me that two weeks ago while she was playing tennis with her friend Alice, she mistakenly beat the ball outside on the road. And then Alice went out to fetch it. Suddenly, a truck crushed into her and stroke Alice meters away. Lora couldn't believe what was just happened. She saw her dying, but could do nothing to save Alice's life. During first day in China Open when Lora was hit, the ball reminded her of the car that crushed into Alice. I was shocked by her experience of death. She just shakes hand with the death. If I were her, I would feel the same.

In order to help her out, I tried to throw the ball slowly and let her catch. We started from a close distance and moved farther away step by step. Every time we moved backward, the speed of the ball went up a little bit. In this way, I saw Lora gradually get to accept the ball again. The more we did, the more confidence she gained. Hazily, I saw a blink of smile on her face. On the next day when I saw Lora again, she gave me an enthusiastic hug, and felt free to have fun joking with me and her friends. To be honest, I felt much happier than anyone else to see Lora came back.

The volunteer experience with ball kids has brought me a lot. Although it is said to be the most difficult job among all the volunteers, it also gave me much more happiness. I would love to be a volunteer in China Open again. And I hope Lora would be as happy as usual.
gpoudrie 2 / 2  
Nov 19, 2012   #2
Wow! Awesome story!...Remember though, the essay cannot run over 1000 CHARACTERS. Not 1000 words. Think of a way to shorten this substantially. Otherwise, good writing.


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