It wasn't my plan. If it was up to me, I wouldn't have gone at all.
It's been three months since I got my first-degree black belt. Throughout my three years of training, I've miraculously avoided going to martial arts competitions. This time, however, I failed to intercept the flyer sent home to parents.
And so, on a cold Saturday morning, I got up at 5:00 and started packing for the two-hour drive to Hastings. Even though I was tired, I couldn't sleep a wink the entire time.
The place was big, divided into six rings. I was to spar a girl from Kearney in ring 4.
By the time I stepped onto the mat, the butterflies in my stomach had already propagated through several generations. I wasn't confident, I didn't expect to win. In fact, I was hoping I didn't lose by blackout (5 to 0). When the judge signaled to begin, training took over. It was a blur until the last 5 seconds, she was readying a slide side kick, so I spun for tornado kick. Time was called as soon as my feet touched the mat. I looked to the scoreboard.
I won, 5-4.
At around noon, I walked out of the gym with a second place trophy. I had lost only once that day. I had beaten six others. But, more importantly, I had beaten myself. If I had skipped as usual, I never would have understood what I was capable of.
Just do it.
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I have a feeling that the last line doesn't fit very well, any comments/critiques are welcome (especially critiques).
LOOL nike...just do it hahaha. anyway really well written essay. it is amazing seeing how you grew from being unsure, to being confident. the only part i would change would be just do it because it makes you seem more careless. if you could make it more sophisticated in a sense i would "do it " xP
You're right, the last line doesn't fit very well. It sounds like it came out of nowhere. (Plus, it's a slogan) I think the last paragraph is enough to sum up the story; however, I don't like, "But, more importantly, I had beaten myself." The paragraph is strong enough to stand without that addition. Otherwise, I think it's great. I would suggest going into even further detail, but I don't know what the word limit is. Hope this helped.
Can help me and review my Common Application essay, please?
Edited the ending:
It wasn't my plan. If it was up to me, I wouldn't have gone at all.
It's been three months since I got my first-degree black belt. Throughout my three years of training, I've miraculously avoided going to martial arts competitions. This time, however, I failed to intercept the flyer sent home to parents.
And so, on a cold Saturday morning, I got up at 5:00 and started packing for the two-hour drive to Hastings. Even though I was tired, I couldn't sleep a wink the entire time.
The place was big, divided into six rings. I was to spar a girl from Kearney in ring 4.
By the time I stepped onto the mat, the butterflies in my stomach had already propagated through several generations. I wasn't confident, I didn't expect to win. In fact, I was hoping I didn't lose by blackout (5 to 0). When the judge signaled to begin, training took over. It was a blur until the last 5 seconds, she was readying a slide side kick, so I spun for tornado kick. Time was called as soon as my feet touched the mat. I looked to the scoreboard.
I won, 5-4.
At around noon, I walked out of the gym with a second place trophy. I had lost only once that day. I had beaten six others. But, more importantly, I had beaten myself. Confidence comes from doing, and yeah, it gets easier.
