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First family rescue- University of Florida Essay


kvon99 1 / 3  
Oct 30, 2009   #1
In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.

"TWEEEEEET! TWEEEETTT! TWEEEEEET!" I blow the whistle and wave my flag desperately trying to get the family of three to come in before they get sucked out into the ocean. I stand up from Lifeguard Tower 334 in Daytona Beach to get a better view of the situation. The family is struggling in the white water, while 5-foot waves crash on them and the rip currents drag them further out to sea. I reach for my radio, "334 to Daytona 10-6 south!" place my flag down, and drop off the tower. Keeping the family in my line of sight, I grab my buoy and start to sprint. As I enter the shallow water, I release my buoy to let it drag behind me and start swimming furiously. I dive and dash through sets of powerful waves that try to push and slam me back to shore. My mind and body focused; I know exactly what needs to be done.

The family bobs in and out of my sight as the oscillating ocean pushes me up and down. When I finally reach them I see the trepidation and desperation in their eyes. I cast the buoy to them and breathlessly shout, "I am a Lifeguard, and I'm here to help!" The 8-year-old twin girls and their mother latch onto my buoy and I slowly swim them in. I bring them to shore, and ask if they are alright. They say they're fine and, with emotions overflowing, thank me. I tell them I'm glad they're safe and jog back to resume to watch the water at Tower 334.

My first rescue as a Volusia County Beach Lifeguard changed me as a person and will affect my contributions to the UF Campus Community. These experiences instilled a sense of awareness of the value of life and how in moments it can be lost or altered forever. As a Lifeguard, I was trained to handle situations in all types of environments that challenged me physically, mentally and emotionally. I learned to make split second decisions that help life affecting consequences and responsibilities beyond my years. Every experience is an opportunity to make something better, make a difference and affect the world around me. As a Gator in the Engineering College I hope to gain the knowledge and skills to take these beliefs and goals to the outside world. As a Gator, I bring a new perspective; one that is not afraid to say "Why not?", "How come?" or "Show me." I possess the skills to seek out these different perspectives and unify them to achieve our common goal. As a person, I bring to the University of Florida integrity, honesty, life's true value and its many opportunities.
luckyplayer777 2 / 2  
Oct 30, 2009   #2
I really enjoyed reading this essay.

The only thing is the last paragraph where is says "As a Gator in the Engineering College I hope to gain the knowledge and skills to take these beliefs and goals to the outside world. As a Gator, I bring a new perspective; one that is not afraid to say "Why not?", "How come?" or "Show me.""

Using "As a gator" twice doesn't really go together. Try "Also, as a gator, I would bring new perspectives..." in the second sentence
Lyss 1 / 6  
Oct 30, 2009   #3
This is a well-written essay and I like your topic of choice; it relates back to how you'll be able to contribute to UF.

There are only a few corrections, as far as punctuation goes.

My mind and body focused; I know exactly what needs to be done- You don't need a semi-colon, a comma would be fine.

When I finally reach them I see the trepidation and desperation in their eyes- comma after 'them'

I bring them to shore, and ask if they are alright- no need for a comma.

I tell them I'm glad they're safe and jog back to resume to watch the water at Tower 334- change 'to watch' to 'watching'

I like the different, unique adjectives you used: oscillating, trepidation, etc.

Good luck!

P.S- if you could look at my essay, it'd be greatly appreciated
The thread is titled "UF Application Essay-8th gradefailure turns into high school academic excellence"
OP kvon99 1 / 3  
Oct 31, 2009   #4
Thank you guys

lysss i read your essay and responded :)


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