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First generation student - Common App/ Topic of your choice


djrmt 1 / -  
Nov 15, 2009   #1
Common App essay. "Topic of your choice."

Critiques. Thanks.

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First Generation students are unfortunate because they don't know what to expect at a young age. They lack proper guidance because the parents aren't able to help their children. The parents may be immigrants from other countries that may not have the proper education, leaving the child to self learn. This predicament is quite unsuitable, as the child does not know what to do. When they lack the access to school, they could eventually lose or never develop their passionate fervor for school. This situation was much like my own. When I was younger, I could never get the proper help from my parents. My parents didn't know the material and I was just as bad myself. This made me forget about academics and pursue another activity. I wanted to do something else to achieve at something I was good at. Unfortunately, this something else was the wrong approach because my alternative was playing games and idling all day long.

When I recounted my experience with my friends who are first generations as well, they responded much the same. Their parents weren't much of a help when they were younger and they engaged in entertainment as a substitute.

Most of my elementary school career neglect for academics made it tough for me during junior high leading up to my high school years. I had to learn from square one the fundamentals in each subject. Despite all the cramming, it was a rewarding experience because I learned how to manage on my own and become consistent at studying. I would take long hours at the library forcing myself to sit there and learn.

Even though I may have the luxury of understanding how important education was, there are some other first generation students who may have discovered the role of education as late as their college years. The already demanding campus life will require some support to personally motivate them in college. They are the most fragile at this time because they can break at the pressure that college life will thrust upon them. These students aren't as financially secure since their parents lack the education that would secure them a stable job to sustain them. A little bit of assistance could be all help in the world to jumpstart their lives back on track. When we help, whether it's directly to a specific individual or to a group, we help them engage and thrive in society, school, and community.
JaeL 2 / 6  
Nov 15, 2009   #2
Write out words like "do not" and "are not" in your first and second sentences.

A little bit of assistance could be all the help in the world to jump start their lives back on track.

I can relate to your essay because that's how most of my early childhood was like growing up. lol.
Anyway, Please read my essay and help me out. THanks.
karyenu 2 / 12  
Nov 15, 2009   #3
The parents may be immigrants from other countries that may ...

I think when you said that the children are first generation, it implies that they're immigrants, so that'll be redundant.

This predicament is quite unsuitable, as the child does not know what to do. When they lack the access to school, they could eventually lose or never develop their passionate fervor for school.

That does not match. You're calling a child 'they'. It should be singular, like his, etc.

This situation was much like my own.
I think this sentence should be a new paragraph.

Most of my elementary school career neglect for academics made it tough for me during junior high leading up to my high school years
This sentence sounds awkward. I would re-phrase it.

I think you made a great topic, because I'm a 1st generation student too, and after a couple more drafts, this will be a very competitive essay.

Best of luck.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 17, 2009   #4
Don't capitalize generation in that first sentence.

Use a hyphen for self-learn.

A little bit of assistance could be all help in the world to jumpstart their lives and get them back on track. When we help, whether it's directly a specific individual or to a group, we enable them to e ngage and thrive in society, school, and community.


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