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'I first left Dominican Republic' - Rutgers Essay


dtaveras 1 / -  
Nov 30, 2011   #1
Here is my Rutgers admission essay, please help me revise, and improve. (any words you can think of that sound better that I can replace others with).

Prompt: Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences. Only personal essays submitted via our website will be considered.

I was 9 when I first left Dominican Republic, the colorful and vibrant country that I once called my home. When I first arrived in the U.S; and more specifically, the small town of Palisades Park, I dove headfirst into a community filled with different backgrounds, ethnicities, and cultures. Much like what is found at Rutgers. Rutgers is a vivacious campus with people from all over the globe. This is an environment anyone can learn, grow, and succeed from. Palisades Park, although a very small town, is also a town filled with people from every corner of the world, who anyone can learn from. Koreans, Hispanics, Europeans, are just some of the cultures found in my town. I've always embraced my Hispanic culture, even after coming to the U.S. Since I could, I always took Spanish in school to not only keep my culture alive, but also learn more than I had, and grow as a person. I am sure Rutgers, and its ethnically rich community will aid to this even further, as I will not only keep learning about my culture, but also affiliate myself with and learn about other cultures and religions. Diversity has always been around me, and it always will. Every morning when I walk into school, I see the faces of students from all over the world, all from different walks of life. Students I can learn a lot of things from. This has only made me more open to different backgrounds, which shows in my circle of friends who are all from different places. Although our vast differences, we all manage to form tight bonds, and grown together. I feel like this openness to different cultures, and walks of life can only grow from here, and Rutgers is the place to help me do that. Not only will this asset of being open to other cultures allow me to form lifetime bonds with the students I meet at Rutgers, but Rutgers itself will allow me to expand my knowledge and augment myself which will only help me in future endeavors.

I believe Rutgers and its community can do nothing but benefit me. At Rutgers I will be able to immerse myself in different cultures and religions, and due to my natural openness to different backgrounds, I will be able to expand my knowledge and further my love, respect, and admiration for other cultures, backgrounds, and walks of life.

s0681217 1 / 1  
Dec 4, 2011   #2
I was 9 when I first left Dominican Republic, the colorful and vibrant country that I once called my home. When I first arrived in the United States; I needed to make the small town of Palisades Park my new home, in order to accomplish this I immersed myself in the culture , diving headfirst into a community filled with different backgrounds and ethnicities. Much like my new home of Palisades Park, Rutgers is a vivacious campus with people from all over the globe, an environment in which anyone can learn, grow, and succeed.

Here are a few tips to help the essay flow better. Rutgers is a great school, good luck!


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