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I will be the first member in my family to graduate ; Common App-My family background

fsolano94 16 / 30  
Jan 6, 2013   #1
My educational goals and aspirations for the future have been significantly influenced by members of my family. I will be the first member in my family to graduate from high school and am proud to set a positive example for my younger siblings. I never lived in one neighborhood for more than a few years or so, but the neighborhood I currently live in is by far the one that has had the greatest impact on my educational goals and aspirations. Not too far from the local library and situated behind the University of Nevada Las Vegas, the University Park Apartments is a neighborhood dominated by college students that invigorate the environment and create an atmosphere that fosters learning. It is within this environment that I learned a lot about my own interests and goals in life; ultimately I plan to become an aerospace engineer and contribute to the physical sciences. Also my background has played a pivotal role in my future goals and aspirations. Sort of like a uniform ramp with a positive slope, my academic background has reflected my growth as a student; especially in mathematics. In middle school I was not interested in math but that all changed my junior year when I joined the FIRST (For Inspiration and Recognition of Science and Technology) Robotics club. Since I've Joined First, I have realized how significant math is to the application of engineering and science, a subject I've always enjoyed.

I decided to do away with my previous essay and start anew. However, in this essay I feel like I didn't do a good job making the transition from my neighborhood to my background.

Any comments and feedback would be especially helpful.
* I always return a favor so whoever helps me will certainly receive my help as well. By the way I just finished all eight of my Gates Millennium Scholarship Essays so if anyone is willing please take a loo at them and make any comments.

moon05 13 / 133 20  
Jan 6, 2013   #2
Everything's good!!!!

About the transition, say something which you might have saw from a university student, a robot maybe... or saw a robot (UAV) in a competition arranged by the university and fall in love with robots... You get the idea...
alexjan95 1 / 1  
Jan 6, 2013   #3
The essay is very good, you should add a conclusion on how you want to use those skills for your future. It would be nice to see what your future is :)

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