Hi everyone, I would love any feedback on my Swarthmore supplement, please let me know what you think (Prompt: Please write a brief statement telling us why you have decided to apply to Swarthmore in particular, up to 2000 characters)
I am a rock climber with a severe case of "Climberitis" (symptoms include sudden urges to drive to the climbing gym and an inability to look at stone buildings without imagining myself scaling them.) If I had a choice of where to live, it would probably be in Colorado, Utah, or California. Or, better yet, I would buy a secondhand van and travel cross-country in search of the best crags and boulder fields. Yet again and again I find myself coming back to Pennsylvania, to Swarthmore.
For me, Swarthmore is an Ivy League of sorts, but without the emphasis on grades and competition. I believe that this type of system allows students to become truly passionate about their classes, rather than focusing that energy on outdoing one another. Swarthmore encompasses everything that I am looking forward to next year: a quirky and animated student body, the intimacy of a small-town campus, beautiful dorms, and countless Swattie traditions (I have a particularly good feeling about the Crum Regatta.) I am also very excited about the Russian Club, as it is really important to me to retain the ability to speak and write in Russian.
Furthermore, Swarthmore will enable me to pursue my interests in science and medicine, with its inspiring biochemistry facilities and seminar-styled lectures. The option to take classes at Bryn Mar, Haverford, and the University of Pennsylvania leaves so many open doors, and I am ready to skip through each of them. Swarthmore is a relatively small school, but it will give me a more worldly and wholesome outlook on biochemistry, school, and life. Though Pennsylvania may never quite cure my "Climberitis," I am willing to make that sacrifice to attend your school.
Well written and entertaining! The only change I might make is to start your conclusion differently. "Furthermore" is a bit too...straightforward.
very well written, i really liked your essay espescially how you tied your "climberitis" at the beginning and end! i like your definition of Climberitis too! i agree with needs_advice on changing the start of your last paragraph, however, it sounds great!
i just posted an essay, if you have time can you please check it out and give comments?
thanks alot!
I like the essay, however one could also say that the prompt is to explain your reasons for Swathmore.
The first paragraph has nothing to do with it. In a way, he is also the most interesting.
'my first multi-pitch climb' - Short U-Penn
What do you think?
Optional short essay (approximately 150 words): introduce yourself to Penn. Our aim is to better understand how your identity, talents, and background guide your day-to-day experiences.
Me in a nutshell: I'm Russian, my grandparents live in Uruguay because they went on vacation there and decided to stay, some people call me Galpal (I'm not really sure how that came about), I've tamed a family of raccoons before, I can solve a Rubik's Cube in under two minutes, and I am deathly terrified of roller coasters. I also love to rock climb (as you may have noticed.)
Actually, the scariest experience of my life was doing my first multi-pitch climb-a massive, 300-foot monster in the heart of North Conway, New Hampshire. In retrospect, the climb itself wouldn't have been that bad if it hadn't been raining for the past week. Unfortunately, my "Climberitis" was acting up (symptoms include sudden urges to drive to the climbing gym and an inability to look at stone buildings without imagining yourself scaling them) and I simply could not resist. And as if the rain wasn't enough, my shoe ripped somewhere around 100 feet, just as we were approaching the part of the climb most notable for its basketball-sized wasp nest.
Whatever college life may throw at me, I think I am ready.
I think this is GREAT! Its quirky and reveals a lot about you.
I think insted of "Whatever college life may throw at me, I think I am ready. " you could say something like " After nearly falling off a cliff, I know I'm ready for whatever college life will throw at me" something like that could tie in both ideas.
The me in a nutshell is a itsy bit awkward since the prompt is to simply describe yourself, so saying that is sort of redundant.
While the thing about your grandparents is really interesting...it doesn't say alot about you.
Other than that, you should try to vamp up your word choice and I think this could be amazinggggg.
Hope this helps.
All the best luck.
