"the first one in my family to attend a university" - Common App Essay

[b]Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.

Upon migrating to USA almost six years ago, I was told that my years of high schooling are the most important to determine my academic future. I started school with 9th grade in this country. Three years went by too fast and then it all began my senior year of high school. Most of my friends were busy applying to colleges and universities of their choices, studying for SAT and ACT exams, getting recommendation letters e.t.c. All they talked about was their dream school, and how they could not wait to be accepted. All their discussions about colleges used to make me feel very depressed and disheartened because I never applied to any college or university in high school. I wasn't a bad student; neither was I afraid of being rejected by any university. I knew that my family was not finically strong, and I didn't want to leave home at that time to put additional burden on their shoulders. I continued to work and support my family with a hope that things would eventually change.

After high school, I started attending Northern Virginia Community College (NOVA); I liked it a lot and still do. NOVA offers high quality of education and most of their credits are transferable to almost all the universities. That gave me a lot of hope and ignited something different in me. I stared to believe that I belong somewhere, where I can prove myself, where my dreams can come true like my high school friends. I became very satisfied that I have something to look forward to; which motivated me a lot in college and had a very encouraging affect on me and my grades.

Meanwhile my family's financial conditions were improving. The likelihood of my attending a good educational institute was increasing as well. Northern Virginia Community College is a two year college, so in order for me to further continue my studies I have to transfer to a four year university where I am looking forward to make all my dreams come true with only one thing in mind that sky is the limit. I feel more prepared and ready than ever, I look forward to all the challenges which my new institute is going to present me with.

Being the first one in my family to attend a university, I feel a lot of responsibility. I know my younger brothers are looking up to me and I intend to be an absolute example to them. Doug Firebaugh once said "Everyday do something that will inch you closer to a better tomorrow". I believe by transferring to a good university I will not only secure my family's future, also the generations after them as well.

I dont know if it is a good essay? Can someone please give a feedback on this. Also feel free to take out any mistakes .... thnks

I was told that my years of high schooling (school) are the most important to determine (in determining) my academic future

I became very satisfied that I have something to look forward to; which motivated me a lot in college and had a very encouraging affect on me and my grades.

Take out the semi-colon and put a comma

also the generations after them as well.

put "but" before also

finically
financially

e.t.c.
etc.

I feel more prepared and ready than ever, and I look forward to all the challenges which my new institute is going to present. with.

:-) this is a great, inspirational story! I'm so glad your family is doing you well and that you are taking your education! Choose a profession you will love every workday!

thank you very much everyone