In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.
Please read my essay to UF!!!!!!!!!!!!! the deadline is monday and i still have a lot of editing to do! please be very critical and specific on what is good and bad and what i need to change to improve it.
When I was in eleventh grade, my English class required me to conduct oral reports. I hated, and still hate, public speaking. Around this time my voice began to deteriorate in a soft, hardly hearable, sound. I was later diagnosed with Acid Reflect Disorder, not a serious or painful disorder, but certainly an aggravating one in which I still struggle with today. My first oral report required me to research a current issue, write an essay on my opinion about it, and of course, read it to the entire class. I was extremely nervous, even declining to go first for five points extra credit. After three days of listening to my classmates' reports, it was finally my turn; I was the very last student to present his report. It could not have gone worse. My voice cracked several times, my eyes were buried in my paper, and worst of all, not a single person heard what I was saying. My teacher talked to me after class and told me that he thought my written essay was great but my oral presentation would severely reduce my grade. I left angry and insecure until I remembered the value of confidence. Once I began to think more confidently, I had a better outlook on my situation. I then vowed that I would not let my next oral report be a repeat of the last.
The next oral report that my English teacher assigned was a book report. I chose to read Ernest Hemingway's The Sun Also Rises. This report required a lot less work than the last one, giving me ample time to practice my oral presentation. The day we began presentations, I volunteered to present my report first. My presentation was not fantastic; my voice cracked a couple times, which I had anticipated, and only the closer half of the classroom could hear me. However, I believe, my presentation was exponentially better than my last for only one reason: I was confident. I did mess up a few times, but I did not let it ruin my report; I just continued like nothing had happened. As a result, I earned a modest B- on the oral part of my report, a far greater grade than what I earned on my last report.
I had always known that confidence was important for me to have, but I never really fully grasped its power until I experienced it firsthand. I will always be shy a person, and there is nothing I can do to change that. However, I can be a confident person, and that is the kind of person I aspire to be at the University of Florida.
Thank you for reading!
P.S.: Is "hearable" a real word?
I understand your progess in being able to speak publically. At the end you say "but I never really fully grasped its power until I experienced it firsthand", however, I do not see the confidence in "my voice cracked a couple times, which I had anticipated, and only the closer half of the classroom could hear me." Perhaps you can elaborate a little on how you gained this confidence so your reader can have a better understanding of your progress.
Also, it might be a little drastic to say, "I hated, and still hate, public speaking" even though it might be true.
hearable audible
I think you should replace the comma after fantastic with a semi-colon.
Also,
I left angry and insecure until I remembered the value of confidence. Once I began to think more confidently, I had a better outlook on my situation. ----- When you do this... it makes me wish you would add one more sentence to explain this insight about confidence. Can you really just summon confidence whenever you want to? How about adding one more sentence of explanation after this?
:-)
However, I can be a confident person, and that is the kind of person I aspire to be at the University of Florida.---- confidence comes from preparedness, which comes from hard work.
