Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
Last summer I took my first solo trip to China. Most summers I would return with my parents to visit the relatives they had left behind over twenty years ago, but this year I had signed up to teach English to prospective foreign exchange students at the local university. To be honest, I wasn't all that thrilled; the way I saw it, the four weeks I'd spend at the university were infringing on precious time away from my parents' overbearing attentions, but I didn't really have anything else to do. And so I showed up on the first day, unenthusiastic and anxious for the last day to roll around. And on the last day, I showed up with my entire life turned upside down.
I don't really like this all that much either...I've come to realize that i don't do well with long essays haha...I like to get my point across in short, emphatic statements, so getting this many words was a challenge. That said, i'm actually about 60 words over the recommended 500, so maybe it's not that much of a problem after all >< in any case, i don't like this essay lol.
advice is appreciated, thanks
Seems like you had a life-changing experience in China.
It might be better to discuss in detail how one student actually changed your view, rather than or in addition to mentioning 5-6 in one paragraph. It's better to show not tell, as I am often told.
Caught one error:
And I understood that I could not continue to live the way I had had , waltzing through life without a care.
What happened to the essay? Did it get deleted somehow?
Do this: had (verb)ed twenty years ago earlier
Last summer I took my first solo trip to China. Most summers I would return with my parents to visit the relatives they had left behind over twenty years earlier, but this year...
This is good writing---->To be honest, I wasn't all that thrilled; the way I saw it, the four weeks I'd spend at the university were infringing on precious time away from my parents' overbearing attentions, but I didn't really have anything else to do. And so I showed up on the first day, unenthusiastic and anxious for the last day to roll around. And On the last day, I showed up with my entire life turned upside down.
:-)
