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"First Time; she looks just like you" - significant Essay for University of Miami


rainbow345 1 / 4  
Oct 27, 2010   #1
Prompt: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

First Time

It was December 17th, 2006, a day I'll never forget. Even now, it's still forever etched into my mind. The weather was fair, sunny, yet crisp and cool. I woke up, shaken because I knew that today was the day. I turned on the shower, got in and stood there, thinking about everything in my life thus far. I wondered if everything that I'd ever known would change and if I would ever be the same again. I got dressed slowly and began to feel sick with nervousness. I sauntered out of my room with a combination of fear and nausea. My mother approached me with a grim look on her face and inquired, "You Ready"? "Yes", I responded back, forcing a smile. I knew I was lying to myself. How could anyone be ready to meet their father for the first time?

While driving to Kopper Kitchen, the restaurant where we were supposed to meet I looked out the window. I saw a little girl eating a cookie in her dad's lap outside a powder blue house. I jerked my head away quickly and held back tears. I thought it was completely unfair how some people were born into families with fathers and here I was without one. When we arrived at Kopper Kitchen, I was so jittery and anxious that I couldn't speak. My mother turned to me and looked at me with a half smile and asked "Are you okay, sweetie"? I nodded slowly and blamed the jitters on the cold weather. In a way, a sense of relief came over me. I was sick and tired of lying to everyone who asked me questions about my father. I guess I lied to them because I felt insecure about telling them that I had no idea who my father was. It was something that I had been yearning for so long that the lies seemed to become real in my mind, even though they weren't, and I was happy that I would finally have the opportunity to learn the truth. I got out of the car slowly and approached the restaurant. "It's now or never" I thought in my mind.

I pushed open the door and looked at the creamy off-white walls. I couldn't believe that I had built up enough courage to do this. All of a sudden, the emotions I pushed back deep into my mind came forward, like a wave crashing on the warm sands of the seashore. I burst into tears and whispered "I can't do this". I yanked open the door and sprinted out to the car. My mother rushed after me, trying to console me. I pulled open the car door and collapsed in a big heap in the back seat. I was feeling a rush of emotions. I felt angry that I didn't have a father for so long and that I had to meet him at some cheap restaurant. I felt sad that he didn't teach me how to ride a bike or take me to any of those father-daughter dances. I was sad that all those memories were gone and that I would never get them back.

"Shhhh", my mother cooed as she got in the back seat with me and rubbed my back. I couldn't control my emotions and I was crying so hard that my mouth was dry. After a few minutes of rubbing my back, my mother stared out of the window. She had her eyes fixed on the same pole for some time so I knew that she was deep in thought. I then made up my mind that even though I wasn't ready or willing to meet my father that I would do this for her sake. Just then a car horn honked. I saw a cherry red Suzuki pull into the empty parking spot next to us. I knew at that moment that the person driving the Suzuki was my father.

While my mother got out of the car, I put a blanket over my head like a scared infant. I began to cry some more, feeling trapped in my own obligations and promises to my mother to meet my father. I cried exceptionally hard, not caring who heard me or how loud it was. I snuck a peak from under the blanket to see what was going on. I could hear my mother saying to him "Yeah, she's still crying..." I wanted to get a glance at my father's face, but I wasn't wearing my glasses so all I could make out was a winter hat that slumped over slightly. My mother then returned to the car with my father with her. I quieted my cries and reached for a mirror in my purse. I noticed that my eyes were red and I sighed. I took a deep breath and removed the blanket from my head and sat up. My father turned around immediately and smiled warmly at me. My mother turned to him and exclaimed "See, she looks just like you!" I wiped away remaining tears and formed a smile on my face. I took a deep breath and looked at the sky. "I'm ready" I said. My mother smiled and opened the car door. The three of us then walked in to the restaurant for the first time like a real family.

Looking back, I realize if I didn't go through with meeting my father that I would be unfortunate because he's helped me through lots of hard situations in my life. It feels great to be able to tell people who my dad is and for that information to be true. I finally have the trust for a second parent and this makes me feel more secure than ever. Going through this experience has been the hardest thing in my life but definitely the most rewarding. This experience taught me that challenges can either inhibit one's ability to go forward or they can make a person stronger. This has definitely changed my life for the better, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
mariatateno 6 / 35  
Oct 27, 2010   #2
Looking back, I realize if I didn't go through with meeting my father that I would be unfortunate because he's helped me through lots of hard situations in my life.

what hard situations?? give examples and elaborate a bit

the ending is slightly contradictory to the beginning, no?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 2, 2010   #3
It was December 17th, 2006, a day I'll never forget. Even now, it's still forever etched into my mind. The weather was fair, sunny, yet crisp and cool. ----boring. I'm sorry! I think you should revise this intro with the reader's perspective in mind. It may be very emotive for YOU to mention the 17th of dec. in that year, but to the reader these is 3 boring sentence in a row right at the start.

This is where it gets quite intriguing! ----> I woke up, shaken because I knew that today was the day.

So, I hope you'll forgive my criticism above... the rest of the essay is great, great writing. I think you should Google this: imagery words list examples

You need more imagery words to make it better.
:-)
OP rainbow345 1 / 4  
Nov 7, 2010   #4
thank you :)

is this better?

It was December 17th, 2006, a day I'll never forget. The memories are cut deeply into my mind, soul, and heart. The shimmering sun poured into my room and the crisp air from the open window bit my face. I woke up, shaken because I knew that today was the day. I turned on the shower, got in and stood there, thinking about everything in my life thus far. I wondered if everything that I'd ever known would change and if I would ever be the same again. I got dressed slowly and began to feel sick with nervousness. I sauntered out of my room with a combination of fear and nausea. My mother approached me with a grim look on her face and inquired, "You Ready"? "Yes", I responded back, forcing a smile. I knew I was lying to myself. How could anyone be ready to meet their father for the first time
zengrz - / 92  
Nov 8, 2010   #5
Hi.

I you are very brave for writing about the hardest part of your life, you should pat yourself on the back!

I like the part where you imagine the things that can possibly happen if you father is with you. It feels right...

Just a quick note:

I was sad that all those memories were gone and that I would never get them back.

How can these be your memory if you have not experienced them at all?

I think what you want to say is something like "the chances are gone".
OP rainbow345 1 / 4  
Nov 9, 2010   #6
thank you, i made the changes, you made a very valid point :)


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