Prompt 2: "Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?"
Critique and edit please!
What should I add or take out?
When I was at the age of seven, I was at the mall with my uncle, where he was unexpectedly injured by a gunshot. I was frightened and confused. I thought he was going to die, but luckily, he was rushed to the hospital and survived. After that day, I always imagine a way I could have helped. As I matured, that memory would haunt me and I needed a way to calm my mind.
I searched for a way to help people who were in the same situation as my uncle. During my junior year in high school, I went to the American Red Cross sign up table to apply as a blood donor. I was determined to donate blood because it would give me a sense of me helping my uncle. The process of donating blood was something I had never experienced before. The procedure was entertaining because the nurses and doctors made jokes and it made me feel comfortable. It was educating because I was informed on everything that was happening, helping me relax. Through donating blood, I was able to save someone's life, and it was a rewarding feeling.
At first I was scared, but I came to a realization that the benefits would overweigh my irrational fear. To further overcome my fear, I would imagine myself in the same situation of needing blood, and I would want others to donate blood. Although giving blood was easy and simple to do, it could make a big difference in someone's life. Starting that day, I searched for opportunities to donate blood and I did it whenever it was possible.
My life became similar to donating blood in the aspects that I would only do things not for the reward, but ultimately help save another person's life. The needle would represent my precision and accuracy in my work. The package of blood would symbolize my achievements which would benefit someone. The blood itself would be the heart and soul that I would pour into the task. The advantages that donating blood allowed me to realize is that if I follow these principles, it does not matter how difficult the task, I would try with the best of my abilities to accomplish the task.
I think some of your sentences could be better, so I do a bit sentences review for you, here they are:
"After that day, I always imagine a way I could have helped. As I matured, that memory would haunt me and I needed a way to calm my mind."
After that frightened experience, there is an idea winding around on my heart that I illusional thinking I could get helped from someone. This unforgettable memory was haunting me and I was attempting to find a way calming myself down."
Through donating blood, I was able to save someone's life, and it was a rewarding feeling.
Through donating blood, it brought me strong feeling of rewarding(beneficial) that I was able to save someone's life.
To further overcome my fear, I would imagine myself in the same situation of needing blood, and I would want others to donate blood
To further overcome my fear, I imagine/illusion myself in the same situation as those lack of blood patients, then I find myself to have a intense desire wanting others to donate their bloods as well.
easy and simple are kind of meaning the same.
Although giving blood was easy and simple to do, it could make a big difference in someone's life. Starting that day, I searched for opportunities to donate blood and I did it whenever it was possible.
Giving blood was an easy thing for healthy people to do, it could have make big differences on patient's life. Starting from the day I understand the real meaning of donating blood, I strived to search for opportunities to donate blood whenever my health/body was available/allowed.
