"How you?"; my first two words to my first teacher in the US -- Common app essay

"How you?"

Those were my first two words to my first teacher in the US. It was the first day of school, and I had just arrived in America five days ago from China. It was the first time I've conversed with a native English speaker, and obviously, all my preparations went right out the window as soon as I opened my mouth. Gone were the prepared phrases of greeting and out came this monstrosity. I was nervous and wanted to impress my teacher, but did just the opposite of that. She smiled, and said "I'm fine thank you, and you?" To which I replied "I'm good, thanks". I learned that her name was Mrs. Klock, and what I had not yet realized was that she would become one of my most valuable mentors. After my parents left, I was all alone in a strange new world. I felt deaf, because I could not understand anything I heard. It seemed like I was on another planet. The other students joked with each other and discussed subjects in a language that was as foreign to me as astrophysics. I sat alone in my chair, afraid to and unable to join my classmates in their activities.

I was placed in an ESL (English as a Second Language) class, along with two others, one from my grade and one from the grade below me. None of us could communicate with each other; all we knew were basic phrases and words that a native speaker learned at the age of three or four. The ESL teacher, Mrs. Blackman, was a very patient and understanding woman who never got angry with us. The first month in America was extremely rough for me. Other than my ESL class, all my other classes are regular classes, which meant that I had to learn in a language that I did not understand. Homework was a disaster, every day I had to spend hours translating the homework assignment and the materials covered in class, and only then could I start my homework. The quality of my homework at the time was ... incomprehensible at best. Because of this frustrating situation, I realized that the best way to conquer this was for me to master English as quickly as humanly possible. I self-motivated myself to learn the language as fast as I can. Every day I spent all of my free time reading and re-reading the text books, practicing my pronunciation, and watching TV or listening to the radio to improve my listening skills. On a typical night I stayed up until eleven, trying to remember as much as I possibly can.

I had no other obligations at the time, so it was easy for me to devote all my time to learning English. My father and Mrs. Klock were instrumental in this process. My father helped me learn outside of the classroom while Mrs. Klock instructed me inside the classroom. I surprised myself pleasantly when I began to talk to my fellow students in very broken English and began to catch phrases here and there that I could understand. When I talked, I first had to say it in my head in Chinese, find the words in English that corresponded to it, and then pronounce the strange words in my heavy Chinese accent. It is safe to say that thanks to my hard work and the help from my teachers and my father, my learning rate took an explosive upward trend. I started to understand more and more, and was able to communicate with others more clearly. Making conversation was no longer a problem. I even read a book and presented the oral book report to the class. By the end of six months, I passed the test that included writing, speaking and listening sections, and graduated my ESL class, while the other two students in the same class took double my time to graduate. This accomplishment surprised everyone, including myself. I never would have guessed that I could learn English in six short months, not to mention becoming fluent.

By this time I was able to follow the lessons and complete my assignments without the help of my electronic translator. My teachers started to treat me like all the other students, you know, the ones that can understand and speak English. I started to excel and receive excellent grades in all my classes. I remembered vividly that when we got our grades back for one of our major Language Arts tests, Mrs. Klock called me to the front of the classroom, before she handed back the tests. I was instantly nervous, afraid that I had unknowingly done something wrong. However, it was the exact opposite of what I had thought. She announced to the class "Jiao Xu, who just JUST learned English, did better than all of you on this test, what are you guys doing?" I was ecstatic. Me, a foreigner who did not know any English just half a year ago, did better than native speakers on a Language Arts test?! Nothing made me prouder than that moment. I not only overcame the language barrier and adapted to a brand new environment but I exceeded the other students in their own language. At that moment, I realized that in the future, no matter how tough an obstacle in my way may be, I will always be able to exceed myself and overcome it. My confidence was boosted sky-high and I felt like I could accomplish anything I wanted. This same confidence has been carried onto everything I did in middle school and high school. I continued to exceed expectations in school, in my extracurricular activities, and in life.

jiao xu

You must read the section in Maya Angelou's I Know Why the Caged Bird sings where the young protagonist describes her anguish at her grandmother's habit of asking "how you?" It's often excerpted as "Sister Flowers."

o wow ok i did not know it was from I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings. i simply used it as an example of my crappy English at the time :]

so I should read it? what should i get out of it?
and also, would it be plagiarizing?

Oh, I'm just saying that you should read that for your own edification and amusement. It's an important work of literature in which a character suffers similar shame about the exact same phrase.

I see that forum members have been slow to jump in with other comments. I'll edit your title to see if that helps.

Your essay was very delightful to read. It kept me interested the whole time. I felt like I was a part of the story. Great job!!!!

Thank you simone, I'll be sure to look up that excerpt.
Hopefully I can get more criticism from other members :]
and also, the admission officers wouldn't think that i copied the book, would they?

thank you miemie, i hope to improve it as this is only the first draft.

No. Not at all. Maya Angelou is a famous African American writer; that book is her most famous work. It has nothing to do with immigration or China or anything else you have written about. There is, simply, an incident in which the protagonist feels ashamed because her grandmother says "how you?" rather than "how are you." Please just forget that I recommended the book to you. I was trying to suggest something that you would enjoy and be educated by, but you seem to have entirely misunderstood me.

The essay is well-written, and proof enough that you have mastered English. And that seems to me to be the main problem with the essay -- its main point is that you mastered English, but you don't really need to tell the admissions people that. Your writing style proves it. If you went on to talk a bit more about how this experience inspired you to study X, or altered your worldview to Y, it would be a lot stronger as an application essay.