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fit essay for fashion merchandising fall 2010


ericad 1 / 3  
Oct 24, 2010   #1
hello everybody! this is obviously not done yet. please let me know what i should add or take out i really need all the advice i could get thankyou:)

"Fashion is not something that exists in dresses only. Fashion is in the sky, in the street, fashion has to do with ideas, the way we live, what is happening." The most influential fashion designer in the world said this quote, which was Coco Chanel.

My fashion obsession all started as soon as I came out of the womb. I can clearly remember the days when I was as young as two years old getting ready for pre-school. My first decision in the morning was to figure out what I was going to wear that day. Obviously this was my favorite part of the day because I had the ability to use my own creativity as a child. It was usually the decision between my hot pink stretchy leggings and light-up white Velcro sneakers with my famous pink Barbie sweatshirt that I wore days on end or the black pleated apple dress with my black and red strapped dog shoes and, of course Barbie always ruled over because Barbie is the quintessential style icon for all toddler girls.

Years passed by when I finally get the opportunity to visit one of the fashion capitals of the world, which was Italy. I was in third grade and only nine years old but this was the time that changed my life. As soon as I stepped out of the airport I remembered seeing all the designer stores. It actually shocked me how one person, could create something so amazing. I wanted to know the process of how an idea could actually become someone's reality and how I could someday be part of that. Ever since that trip I've been trying to make fashion my future. By watching "The Rachel Zoe Project," she has clearly inspired me into becoming a stylist to the stars. Her passion for fashion also started on a trip but to Paris when she received her first Louis Vuitton purse. Now, that I'm a senior in high school my dream will soon become my reality.
mgandrews 1 / 3  
Oct 24, 2010   #2
It might be beneficial for you to be more descriptive of your childhood clothing; as to why your barbie sweatshirt was famous, or vivid details of your dog shoes, maybe explain the process of putting on your clothes in the morning and how that made you feel.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Oct 29, 2010   #3
The most influential fashion designer in the world, who said this quote, which these words, was Coco Chanel.

My fashion obsession all started as soon as I came out of the womb.---- When you write this sentence, it has nothing to do with the previous sentence. It's called "non sequetor" I think... "does not follow." It is better to give another sentence about the quote and then make a thesis statement. Begin para #2 with the sentence about your obsession starting after you came out of the womb.

I can clearly remember the days when i was as young as two years old getting ready for pre-school. ---hard to believe.

Spelling: oppurtunity to visit on eof the..

By watching "The Rachel Zoe Project," she has I have (i.e. "by watching, I have..." not "by watching, she has...")

Spelling: recieved

I think you should read some research studies related to the kind of fashion you like and show them that you are keeping up with scholarly literature about it. And it will be great if you set a few goals for yourself for these next few years, and expound them.

:-)
OP ericad 1 / 3  
Nov 2, 2010   #4
this is obviously not done and i can truly use all the help i can get
Required Essay: Please express your interest in the business of fashion and LIM College by writing a well structured 250-400 word academic essay. The essay must include but is not limited to the following points:

Why did you decide a fashion business career was for you; was there a specific event that sparked your interest in the business of fashion? If yes, what did you learn from that event?

Why do you believe LIM is a good match for you and what sets LIM apart from other colleges you have investigated?
What academic major will you select and why do you believe it will help you to achieve your educational and career goals?
daisiekae 3 / 7  
Nov 2, 2010   #5
I feel like you're missing the college's objectives here. They want you to touch on all of these topics

***Why did you decide a fashion business career was for you; was there a specific event that sparked your interest in the business of fashion? If yes, what did you learn from that event?

***Why do you believe LIM is a good match for you and what sets LIM apart from other colleges you have investigated?
***What academic major will you select and why do you believe it will help you to achieve your educational and career goals?

While I think what you were going for was the first one, you need to keep it brief, as you only have 400 words and still need to touch on the other subjects.

I restructured what you had already into this:

As long as I can remember I've been obsessed with fashion. As early as preschool, my favorite time of the day has been getting ready in the morning. I loved it because I could use my creativity to decide what to wear. Fashion staples of the time included pleated apple dresses, hot pink leggings, and of course, Barbie.

While I've always loved fashion, my interest was instilled on a third grade trip to the fashion capital of Italy. The designer stores inspired me to make fashion my future. At LIM College, I plan to make my dream into my reality.

(Do not abbreviate your school's name, make sure you change it!!)

This keeps your experience brief enough that you can talk about the other subjects. This cut your 336 word essay down to 101 words. I took out the quote and the Rachel Zoe part because a) 400 words is much too little to waste your word count on a quote, b) they want to hear YOUR voice in an admissions essay, not the voice of someone else, and c) while fashion for the stars may be one of your goals, including this may lead to the misinterpretation that you are more obsessed with pop culture than fashion.

Focus the rest of the essay on LIM and why they are the only school for you. Why do you believe LIM is a good match for you and what sets LIM apart from other colleges you have investigated? What academic major will you select and why do you believe it will help you to achieve your educational and career goals?

Use your word count wisely; you need to make a lasting impression in 250-400 words, and that can be difficult.


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