Note* that i am not finished, this needs editing and potentially major changes, but any feedback would be incredibly helpful ! Thank youNYU is global, urban, inspired, smart, connected and bold. What can NYU offer you, and what can you offer NYU?
Fitzgerald was my travel buddy.
I'll attempt to not use the cliche, I grew up in a different world - however I grew up in a different world each week. My father has the travel bug, and every 8 months to 2 years, he packs up finds a new job and moves country. This saw the addition of planes to my casual transportation, and new passports yearly. I was constantly following him for 'extended holidays', then returning to my mum back home. I became tired of children's books, short novels that revolved around animals and primary school games, I chose to venture into the world of adult reading with none other than F Scott Fitzgerald's 'The beautiful and the damned'.
The essay is about the university, not about the city. The description in the first half seems some kind of irrelevant. You should mention specific details about what you are going to do there, tell them why you need the university, tell them why they need you. The fact that you are yet another ingredient in the mix is not enough, in my opinion.
Thank you, I think I'll scrap it and start again !
Obviously this is incredibly rough because I just wrote it... but I'm going down this tangent now, is this any better?
AND yes i know i repeat community at least 50 times, but it was just to get the idea down - I will be changing it
Fitzgerald has written many bodies of work, 'The beautiful and the damned' is another source of liter sensation. I wish to compare my abilities I can offer NYU, too Fitzgerald's description of New York City.
Your reasons for believing that you'd, not only fit into NYU, but improve the profitability and caliber of the school are actually well supported. However, I believe that the details could be better organized but since this is a draft I know that you'll fix any structural mistakes. Maybe give a little more insight to traveling with your father, too, in an attempt to prove the degree of diversity that you would decorate NYU with.
Ahh, yes i did sort of skip over dad there, Thanks a bunch for your help !!
You have a very strong and confident voice that is showcased through your essay. I suggest you read through your essay and tidy up the spelling and grammar errors. After that it is good to go.
tidied up the essay and changed it a fair amount, may still change the intro as well,
Fitzgerald has written many bodies of work, 'The beautiful and the damned' is another source of literary sensation, my 11th grade english teach once compared me to the novel's personification of New York City. I believe she was right.
Just like NY City itself, I'm a diverse multicultural being, adapting quickly and adopting every new culture thrust upon it, I write to express my unique perceptions, my opinions or providing new insight on common objects that no one has considered before. I hope to contribute to publications such as 'The west of 4th street review' addressing how the first three minutes after waking up is the most ethereal place we can visit, How cacti filled youth bedrooms have become a symbol of our resilience against uncertain times. I plan to Inspire and entertain my fellow students and faculty with new and diverse streams of thinking, they may say that whatever your great at there is 1000 who are better, but how many students sit at 11pm and pondering whether dream catchers existed in the dark ages, and what their impact was.
NYU embraces the ideology of Never-ending learning, as does the city that breathes life into the institution. I feel this sense is fostered, pushing students to strive to for education, rather than to strive for the end of exams, or the end of this essay, where students understand and believe in the merit of continual-learning. I intend to make NYU a force to be reckoned with, strengthening student ideology through sense of belonging and diversity. Not only can I bring distinctiveness from my culture, but diversity through my well traveled youth, following my father to his 19 countries of residence. Living in Oman, Sri Lanka and China has taught me the need for global belonging, and instituting already successful academic programs such as Britain and America's globally.
NYU's Liberal Arts Facebook page quotes Chinese proverb, "the man who removes a mountain begins with small stones", which reflects the colleges Community clubs and the diversity of student body, those drawn to sustainability join the bike-share program, others more concerned with community health the 'New York Cares' coat drive. Programs I initiated in my local community, such as Primary writing workshops and breakfasts at local underprivileged school, could be integrated into NYU's already outstanding service clubs, providing students with a way to start moving pebbles from their mountain.