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Five Qualities that define you!


dbsqudtlr 4 / 22  
Nov 29, 2009   #1
Please review my short-answer list and edit it.
Thank you all for doing this for me! :)

Prompt: Tell us five qualities that define you and will enable you to contribute uniquely to the ------- community. Tell us about your activities, your accomplishments, and your passions.

(500 character max per answer)

My answer (in a list format):

1. I have compassion. Tutoring at Durham YMCA, Korea School, and E. K. Powe Elementary or organizing musical performances at nursing homes for Music Club do not fully define my passion for helping those around me. One day, I will become a doctor and join the Red Cross. Free of monetary concerns or social ambitions, I will help the destitute, those who have been abandoned or missed by others. My heartbeat quickens as I imagine myself sharing a word of love and saving lives with my own hands.

2. I am a lover of diversity. I embrace different cultures and perspectives. I like kimchi, but I like curries, spaghettis, tacos, and apple pies as well. I have exposed myself to Israel through Hebrew seminar as well as to Japan through japanesepod101.com. I have participated in a state-wide Japanese speech contest. At school, I have added to the diversity by initiating Korean seminar, which now composes 15 students. I have also created Vision for North Korea to raise awareness among my peers.

3. I am an ambitious musician. I love playing piano and violin. In ninth grade, I joined Greensboro Youth Symphony as a last chair second violin. With hours of practice each day, I had advanced to an eighth chair first violin by sophomore year. I also played in various regional orchestras. I compose optimism and hope despite the financial and domestic instability of my family. I also compose simple comedy. Without much effort, I can break awkwardness just by pronouncing 'pizza' or 'squirrel.'

4. I am a lover of challenge. Having shortness of breath and weak physique, I joined cross country as a freshman and have been running as a varsity runner since sophomore year. Having been the slowest in the team, I now possess a personal record of less than 20 minutes. I spend weeks for an essay for which the native speakers would spend two hours. I have cried and have had bloody nose to maintain good grades at a school full of intelligent Americans. Thirsty for more, I imagine myself at -------.

5. I am an adventurer and a constant wanderer. Even though my financial situation and visa status currently prevent me from traveling abroad, I have traveled to various nations in my childhood from Singapore and Malaysia to England and Netherlands. In a hot shower, I close my eyes and become a neurosurgeon, a biomedical engineer, a diplomat, and a violinist. I am eager to contribute to the world. I am no hero, but I am a dreamer. I know my limits, yet I do not know impossibility or giving up.
protesturhero 3 / 6  
Nov 29, 2009   #2
I'm assuming that these are simple grammar mistakes because english is not your first language?

initiating Korean seminar, which now composes 15 students

initiating a Korean seminar, which is now composed of 15 students.

I have also created Vision for North Korea to raise awareness among my peers.

amongst ... maybe? and state what exactly this is raising awareness for

I compose optimism and hope despite the financial and domestic instability of my family. I also compose simple comedy.

I'm not sure what you're trying to say here. the first sentence that i quoted here "I compose optimism..." isn't finished unless you were trying to say, "I'm very optimistic and full of hope depsite the financial..etc. etc." the second sentence can be changed to, "I also love making people laugh."

break awkwardness just by pronouncing

break an awkward situation

I am a lover of challenge. Having shortness of breath and weak physique, I joined cross country as a freshman and have been running as a varsity runner since sophomore year.

I love a challenge
Despite my shortness of breath and overall weak physique I joined cross country... etc. etc.

I spend weeks for an essay for which the native speakers would spend two hours. I have cried and have had bloody nose to maintain good grades at a school full of intelligent Americans. Thirsty for more, I imagine myself at -------.

I spend weeks on an essay that would take a native english speaker only two hours
i'm not sure what you're trying to say about the nosebleed, ask a friend that speaks english well
and where do you imagine yourself?

traveled to various nations in my childhood from Singapore and Malaysia to England and Netherlands.

traveled to various nations during my childhood such asSingapore, Malaysia, England, and the Netherlands

now, like I stated before, I assume all of these mistakes are because English is not your native tongue. So if you choose, you don't have to make any of these corrections, but make sure that the admissions office knows that english is not your first language. they will take this into consideration and probably overlook these grammatical mistakes. If you don't want to take the chance, still tell them that english is not your first language but make these changes


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