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Florida Gulf Coast University Essay Question; 'The feeling of winning'


Fabricer 1 / -  
Dec 2, 2012   #1
Just need some tips to make this better :)

Describe an activity, interest, experience, or achievement in your life (this could be a book, movie, or an activity or experience at work, home, or school) that has been particularly meaningful to you.

The feeling of winning can only be described as complete satisfaction, pure and simple. I stood in my retreat block with my marching band of 190 members, waiting fervently for our placing to be announced. Throughout the history of our band program, we have become accustomed to getting fifth or sixth every year in our Florida Marching Band State Competition (FMBC), but this was the year for us to "make our mark" as my band director has said. This year we would hope to make it into the top five bands in the state.

Hearing the Park Vista Striking Cobra Marching Band being called for first place, was something no one in our marching band could have anticipated. For a moment, timed seemed to stand still. We were not aware of what the announcer had said until we heard the ferocious roar of the crowd, echoing through the dome. We had transformed from being a "who's that?" marching group from South Florida to a number one contender in the FMBC circuit.

As our drum majors marched over to us, holding our first place trophy, I could barely hold my enthusiasm. I started to think about the endless amount hours we put in to be where we are. From the summer mornings of teaching prospective band members the basics of marching to the last minutes of 12-Hour Saturday practices, we were pushing and striving with vehemence for that very moment. That moment was meaningful to me because it reflected the result of hard-work, perseverance, and dedication. That moment made me cognizant of the amount of pride I had for my band and my school. I want to possess that pride for Florida Gulf Coast University.

ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Dec 2, 2012   #2
The feeling of winning can only be described as complete satisfaction, pure and simple. I stood in my retreat block with my marching band of 190 members, waiting fervently for our placing to be announced. Throughout the history of our band program, we havehad become accustomed (OR "it had become routine for us to gain ...") to getting fifth or sixth every year in our Florida Marching Band State Competition (FMBC), but this was the year for us to "make our mark" as my band director has said. This year we would hope to make it into the top five bands in the state.

You wrote a good essay, but I think you can also talk about the effects of this experience on your character. what lesson did you learn from the experience? For example, you can talk about "hope" or this famous statement "Fail is the key of success". (Just a suggestion)

Good luck
Ahmad


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