I am not sure if I answered this supplement fully or even answered the prompt at all. PLEASE HELP!
prompt: Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.
I have to admit; the first time I stepped foot on the tarmac, I was not completely focused on the task at hand. I was having one of those weeks where nothing seemed to be going right. My first aviation lesson was no exception. As I went through the flight preparation checklist, I was to inspect the integrity of the fuel. After withdrawing the fuel from the tank, I disposed the liquid on to the tarmac, only for it to travel right back into my face. This is but another example of how my week was going. Checking the wind direction was further down the checklist.
When I entered the single engine piper cub, I could not escape the thought of something going horribly wrong. All I wanted was a smooth takeoff and landing with a relaxing flight in-between. I did not think that that was too much to ask for. Of course, it was. With every air bump, I gripped that yoke as if I was fighting for my life. Every time I accidently caused the plane to descend, I felt my stomach escape down to my feet.
However despite all these little inconveniences, I kept flying that plane. I fought to overcome my bad luck to view a clear blue sky free from the hustle and bustle of city life. Traveling 2,000 feet above the ground, my awful week was put in perspective. Life's little turmoils were insignificant to the freedom that accompanies controlling your own journey. I may face some air bumps here and there, but I know that those are just part of the flight. They are the moments that will compress my intellect and challenge my emotions simply because they are intense. The intensity found in flying a plane or surviving a bad week is what makes one realize that life is more than an orderly checklist.
I have to admit; -----I feel this should be a comma, not a semicolon
where nothing seemed to be going right----use more descriptive vocab
Checking the wind direction was further down the checklist.-- switch to Lastly, I checked the wind direction.
that life is more than an orderly checklist. ---okay you old me what it's not. conclude now with a sentence of what it is.
put a comma after however in your last paragraph
overall very good. i didnt see where you were going with it at first, but the conclusion tied things together.
good luck
thankss emily.
I edited it again and hopefully its a little more passionate.
I was having one of those weeks where nothing seemed to be going right. It was as if I woke up on the wrong side of the bed with a stiff neck. My first aviation lesson was no exception. As I went through the flight preparation checklist, I was to inspect the integrity of the fuel. After withdrawing the fuel from the tank, I disposed the liquid on to the tarmac, only for it to travel right back into my face. This is but another example of how my week was going.
When I entered the piper cub, I could not escape the thought of something going horribly wrong. With every air bump, I gripped that yoke as if I was fighting for my life. Every time I accidentally caused the plane to descend, I felt my stomach escape down to my feet.
However despite all these little inconveniences, I kept flying that plane. I fought to overcome my bad week to view a clear blue sky free from the hustle and bustle of city life. Traveling 2,000 feet above the ground, my awful week was put in perspective. Life's little turmoils were insignificant to the freedom that accompanies controlling my own journey. I know I can stray from the path, while still, somehow, arriving at my final destination. I may face some air bumps here and there, but I know that those are just a part of the flight. They are the moments that will compress my intellect and challenge my emotions simply because they are intense. The intensity found in flying a plane or surviving a bad week is what makes me realize that life is more than an orderly checklist. Life is about living freely, flying with the wind, not being afraid to make that 360 turn. It's about letting yourself feel those nerves as you start to release that death grip.
that yoke---switch to the yoke
need a coma after however at the beginning of your 3r paragraph
YOUR CONCLUDING SENTENCES ARE SO MUCH BETTER!! :D
escape the thought of something ---switch to the fear of something...if that is in fact true
, while still, somehow, arriving at my final destination---get rid of somehow...it makes it weak
It was as if I woke up on the wrong side of the bed with a stiff neck---better description. it seems like it needs one more little phrase though..i happen to like things in three's...It was as if I woke up on the wrong side of the bed with a stiff neck and a (insert phrase).
This is but another example of how my week was going. ----reword this or delete it. it's lame language
Life is about living freely, flying with the wind, not being afraid to make that 360 turn. It's about letting yourself feel those nerves as you start to release that death grip.---consider this edit.... Life is about releasing inhibitions and a death grip on the clutch. About living freely, flying with the wind, and not being afraid to make that 360 turn.
much better overall. can you edit my homeless essay?
