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"focus on communication and the arts" - Emerson College Supplement Essay


heyyyem 1 / 2  
Sep 29, 2010   #1
As you know, the academic programs at Emerson College are focused on communication and the arts. Please tell us what influenced you to select your first choice major and, if applicable, your second choice major. If you're undecided about your major, what attracted you to Emerson's programs? Please be brief (100-200 words).

When I was seven years old, I had my first puppy. Like any little girl, I fell in love with her immediately. This was when I decided I was destined to be a veterinarian. Unfortunately, this lasted only until the day I accompanied my dog on a doctor's visit, where I watched the veterinarian shove her finger in a place where fingers are not meant to go.

When I was ten, I spent every afternoon watching Oprah with my Mom. One day, Oprah had an interior designer on her show who was surprising families by redecorating their homes. I saw how these average people suddenly had prefect, extravagant lives and decided that I wanted to be an interior designer. I continued to think this until finally I realized something very important. I didn't want to be an interior designer; I just wanted a nice house. And I never really wanted to be a veterinarian; I just loved my dog.

Finally, when I was thirteen I decided that I wanted to be a writer. Writing was something I had been doing for years. I did it not because I wanted something in return, but because I genuinely loved doing it.
scarecrowd 8 / 16  
Sep 30, 2010   #2
When I was seven years old, I hadgot my first puppy.

This was whenConsequently, I decided I was destined to be a veterinarian.

This will help.

Thanks.
donrocks 5 / 120  
Sep 30, 2010   #3
Emily, this essay will not work and is very weak.
WHAT INFLUENCED YOU? You have 200 words to show YOURSELF AND BE DIFFERENT. This is not answering anything.

When I seven....
When I was ten....
I did this... and that... ???? Will it work for college essay?
I am sorry, I am a little harsh but I think you should read a lot of essays.... best place to start is here in essay forum. Read lots of essays and get the writing pattern set in your brains. It will take time and will require hard work then I think you should be able produce great essays.

Unfortunately, this lasted only until the day I accompanied my dog on a doctor's visit, where I watched the veterinarian shove her finger in a place where fingers are not meant to go

I didn't want to be an interior designer; I just wanted a nice house. And I never really wanted to be a veterinarian; I just loved my dog.

Is that it??? Is this the most life- changing experience which you want to say infront of admission office?
Be more soulful.... reflect upon your life.... rake up issues of your life and then write without inhibitions. Tell the essay something about yourself.
Hope this helps.... :)
nicmont93 4 / 9  
Sep 30, 2010   #4
i say you ellaborate more on the experience. input emotion such as how did you feel and vary your sentence structure along with word choices
OP heyyyem 1 / 2  
Oct 1, 2010   #5
It does help, a lot actually. Thank you for the tough love. I think I have a whole new view on this.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Oct 3, 2010   #6
where I watched the veterinarian shove her finger in a place where fingers are not meant to go.

Nice! Ha ha, you are indeed a writer. Okay, so... what is the deal with the veterinarian thing... what is the main idea of this... that you once wanted to be a vet and now you want to be a writer?

If you want to be a writer, you have to also be other things. The publishing industry is crazy hard to get into, but on the Internet "content is king," and that means people need writers to blog and write articles. You can also use writing skill to be a translator if you learn another language, because you have to be quite a writer to be a translator. You can't learn to be a writer in college; you have to read books by Ursula LeGuin, especially steering the craft. Do you want to write fiction or nonfiction or both?

For this essay, think of one message that you want the reader to remember, and let that be your focus as you write. Take that cool intro and make it so that in your conclusion you can refer back to the vet anecdote as a way of reinforcing or reflecting on your main idea!

What is that message, that main idea? What is the thing you want the reader to notice?
:-)
radwa 6 / 11  
Oct 3, 2010   #7
Heyyem, I love that expression of fingers not supposed to go :D
However I am a bit confused. At the beginning you state two fields which you aspired to study at a certain point in your life however later on decided against that. Both paragraphs are quite long. But the one paragraph which is truly essential is shorter than the rest and you are not supporting this goal as effectively as you can :) Therefore I suggest working a bit on that and may be discuss writing your previous inclinations with a counsellor because if I were an admission's officer, I wouldn't like it when students are hesitant and undecided regarding their future career, compared to a firm discipline which they strive to improve at :)


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