Emily, this essay will not work and is very weak.
WHAT INFLUENCED YOU? You have 200 words to show YOURSELF AND BE DIFFERENT. This is not answering anything.
When I seven....
When I was ten....
I did this... and that... ???? Will it work for college essay?
I am sorry, I am a little harsh but I think you should read a lot of essays.... best place to start is here in essay forum. Read lots of essays and get the writing pattern set in your brains. It will take time and will require hard work then I think you should be able produce great essays.
Unfortunately, this lasted only until the day I accompanied my dog on a doctor's visit, where I watched the veterinarian shove her finger in a place where fingers are not meant to go
I didn't want to be an interior designer; I just wanted a nice house. And I never really wanted to be a veterinarian; I just loved my dog.
Is that it??? Is this the most life- changing experience which you want to say infront of admission office?
Be more soulful.... reflect upon your life.... rake up issues of your life and then write without inhibitions. Tell the essay something about yourself.
Hope this helps.... :)