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The Fog Rolls Out - "Imagine you are looking out a window..."

amaryrose 2 / 16  
Nov 22, 2009   #1
Williams Prompt - Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you.

The Fog Rolls Out

There is a wooden cabin with unfinished windows nestled in the mountains of Vermont. In the early summer here, the morning still holds a slight chill. Outside the aging glass the world exists only in hazy blacks and grays, dense fog lingering over everything. When the sun rises, it shies away quietly from the dawn light, inching backward with reluctant care.

Slowly the thick cloud relinquishes its territory, revealing first the splintering porch rail and next the overgrown wild grass. Patiently I curl up, wondering what will be uncovered, whether the earth will be returned at all. As the gray blur clears, color begins to seep back where it had been chased out hours ago. Wispy tendrils snake around the faraway mountain tops, clinging to their nighttime treasures. An hour must pass before the sunlight grows stronger; only then the mountains easily shake off the thinning mist.

I can see the houses that dot the mountainside now, small spots of color surrounded by a verdant sea of green mixed with gray. Do the people there watch the summer fog roll out? Do they imagine the earth may have disappeared? Or Sympathize with a curious cloud, just trying to know what it can? No, that's silly, it never crosses their minds. It's an insignificant thing to anyone else, I know.

But to me, the vast grayness is an everyday mystery I can relish. Staring into the surrounding abyss, I never know if the world will reappear. I gaze on for the long hours - taking pride in my diligence - to see the land exposed bare bit by bit. In the bright daylight, this scene is all-encompassing, ineffable, and too much for my senses. Only with the lumbering can I scrutinize the pieces of the whole. In the trickling dawn light, I can try to understand my world.

...and ineffable - beautiful to say the least. But in the trickling dawn, I can scrutinize the puzzle pieces. In small doses, I can try to understand.

Ah, this essay needs so much work... I think my two biggest stumbling blocks is trying to describe why this scene is meaningful to me and making my description colorful but concise. Suggestions?

cuddles 3 / 10  
Nov 22, 2009   #2
Lots of imagery used. Hard to keep reading at times. To add why the views mean something to you, you might want to add something you see that you'll not be able see from any other place, when you leave your place some day, For example, while leaving for the uni.
JS2010 7 / 18  
Nov 22, 2009   #3
I like your writing, and I thought the imagery was great but I don't get why this is important to you. You spent the whole essay writing about fog and the colors but how is this significant? Maybe hours of waiting at the window can be symbolism for years of waiting to graduate and venture off into a new world and now you can finally see your life ahead of you (the fog is inching backwards reluctantly) and what you see is a life full of possibilities and like the sun, it's starting to reach it's peak. I mean you don't have to use that but try using some symbolism or something because right now all I see is a great depiction of a morning but no "moral to this stoy".
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Nov 30, 2009   #4
There is A wooden cabin with unfinished windows nestled in the mountains of Vermont.

You write beautifully! amyrose, did I ask you to check out essayforum.com/ef-contributor-page already? I hope you'll be a contributor. :-)

What is this part----> only then the mountains shake...
Maybe it should be:
An hour must pass before the sunlight grows stronger; after an hour, the mountains easily shake off the thinning mist.

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