PLEASE CRITIQUE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE! THANK YOU :)
Given what you know about BU, what do you hope to accomplish as an undergraduate here?
"Never follow the same pathway all throughout college, or life, for that matter. Always keep your options open-goals and interests change, different opportunities come and go, and some of the greatest people will come into your world along the way." These words of wisdom, spoken by a family friend, serve as a template when looking at my future as a potential undergraduate student at Boston University. College is a time for new and exciting experiences as well as a time to explore diverse and innovative ideas. If given the opportunity to attend BU, I would love to explore the field of research as well as further develop my love for the Spanish language and culture by studying abroad.
As a nationally and internationally renowned research institution, Boston University offers an impressive number and range of opportunities for undergrads. While studying the website, I came across UROP, a program in which I would definitely participate if given the chance to attend BU. I feel that this program would be an outstanding learning experience, helping to build confidence and knowledge in one's particular field of study. Although there is a broad range of fields, a specific few caught my eye, including psychology, neuroscience, and pediatrics, but above all-cancer research. These days, almost everyone knows someone who is fighting this disease or has passed away from it, and with the unsettling fact that about half of all men and one third of all women in the United States will get cancer at some point in their lives, it has been my lifelong dream to help find a cure. With such a groundbreaking research university as BU, this dream can become a reality to aide cancer patients worldwide.
With students from all over the nation and world, Boston University is quite the melting pot of cultures, yet there is just one more way I plan to broaden my horizons as an undergrad-study abroad. Ever since my first Spanish class in the seventh grade, I have developed an undeniable love for the language and culture of Spain. I am currently in Spanish five at my high school, and although we learn about Madrid, Barcelona, Toledo, and other cities, I do not believe you can fully grasp their cultures without experiencing it firsthand. Specifically, I want to study in Madrid, and with BU's International Programs, not only would I be able to study there, but possibly have an internship as well. While living in a foreign country, I hope to experience a whole different way of thinking and being and living, so that I can return home with a new understanding of the world and my place in it.
If given the opportunity to attend Boston University, my life will be enriched by extensive research and study abroad programs, cultural diversity, and by the city of Boston alone.
I love the way you begin the essay - but it doesn't seem to match too well with the rest of the essay, since you seem to have a very specific idea of what you want to do. Don't get me wrong, that's a great thing, but perhaps you may want to talk more about how there are many other opportunities you may pursue?
Let's try to avoid "as well as"... it is an inefficient use of words, a cliche, and... it makes sentences awkward:
College is a time for new and exciting experiences as well as a time to explore diverse and innovative ideas. If given the opportunity to attend BU, I would love to explore the field of research {name research interest here} as well as further develop my love for the and improve my knowledge of Spanish language and culture by studying abroad.
As a nationally and internationally renowned research institution, Boston University offers an impressive number and range of opportunities for undergrads. They know that already. Tell how your reasons for choosing BU reflect your detailed plan and clear short term goals. Show that you are choosing BU because it is an important part of your plan.
If given the opportunity (You already said given the opportunity earlier in the essay) to attend Boston University, my life will be enriched by extensive research and study abroad programs, cultural diversity, and by the city of Boston alone .
:-) Good luck! I bet you will do well, because you do seem to have a strong plan for the future.
