"We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it. (*)(100 words or fewer)"
I've always been fond of origami. Being able to transform something simple like a square into something complex and beautiful like a crane or Kawasaki Rose is an amazing feeling-like proving a mathematical result, or learning how laws can explain nature. Every time I fold something new it's a challenge, of both my dexterity and patience; sometimes the result is unsatisfactory, even after multiple attempts. The reward is a work to admire, to leave on a window sill for others to find, to unfold or crumple up-or if it's a paper airplane, to see it fly. (98 words)
(I'm not particularly concerned about the word limit)
*should this be "is"? Neither sound like they fit, but that could be just me. I'm not sure
Any comments about my grammar or content and organization are much appreciated.
Does it fit the prompt well? Does it seem not concrete enough? I don't think I'm a good writer, so ehh.
The contraction sounds fine. The essay is as well-written as it can be given the word limit, except for the last sentence. The last sentence contains a few too many items, and the parallel structure doesn't really hold up by the end. You should be able to revise it fairly easily, though.
In essays like this I would avoid contractions, but I don't think its a big deal. It was well written and I agree with EF_Sean with the last sentance. Good job!
I agree with the previous posts, for the last sentence, maybe take out a few of the phrases.
The reward is a work to admire, to leave on a window sill for others to discover, to unfold or crumple up -or if it's a paper airplane, to see it fly.
Maybe something like that?
You're essay was really good considering such a tight word limit!
Also, with MIT I don't think that the word limits are really limits, more like guidelines. I wouldn't worry especially if it means a second-rate essay because of it.
Thanks people :), I've taken your advice and condensed the last sentence.
