Football camp - UC#2 Essay; 'Success is not given to you; you must earn it'

The sun was beating down on my neck. It was a hot summer day in _____, California. It was one of those days where nothing was sheltering you from the sun's merciless rays. No shade, no clouds, no anything. It was just you and it and it was a duel between the two of you. It was burning my leg the whole car ride there. Today was a very special day; it was the first day of summer football camp. I waited a long time for this day to come. I was nervous and impatient; I didn't know what was going to happen at this place. My coach always told me that football camps are special and that they create champions. I wondered if this statement had any truth to it. My varsity football team just came out of an incredibly horrible season of 0 wins and 10 losses. If anything, this taught me that successes are never given to you and they almost never come easy.

The first thing we did that day was practice. I was timid in running my wide receiver routes. Just the feeling of being at football camp with some of the best teams in California was an unnerving prospect. I began to forget plays and I didn't remember the slight nuances of my position that made the plays work. My coach took notice of this and he decided to talk to me after practice while we all walked to the dining hall. He told to me focus and to relax because not only was I just hurting myself, but also I was damaging the team. They depended on me to do what I had to do so that they could do what they had to do. It was a huge chain of responsibilities that depended on each other. If everyone trusted each other to always to their job then the play would be a success. This led me believe that accountability is very important. In order for a team to be successful, we must come together and play as a team. As individuals we were weak, but as a team we were strong. Teamwork is key.

The next day I woke up with the mentality of what I wanted to accomplish. I set up a goal for me to work towards that day. That goal was to take care of my responsibilities with perfection. It wasn't enough to do my best; I had to actually do what I was supposed to do. I went through all three 2-hour long practices with this attitude and it paid dividends. It becomes much easier to achieve success once you plan how you're going to go about achieving it. At that day's end I felt truly rewarded of all the effort I put into my goal. Another day like this passed and I only got better. I had to make more sacrifices this time around, however, because running around for 2 hours 3 times a day started to take a physical toll on my body and it made my mind unstable. I had to focus myself and push through all of the pain to keep doing what my team expected me to do. I couldn't let them down.

The final day of camp came and we had to play all the other teams that were also at the camp. We fought hard and we actually made the other teams work to earn success. I even scored a touchdown. This was amazing because I finally felt like I reaped the rewards of all of my hard work and dedication to this sport.

The camp soon ended but I didn't forget the lessons I learned during those three days. My team didn't either. We continued onto our season and went 4-6. We were even considered for league playoffs. The huge jump between the previous season's and this season's record is testament to what I stated in the beginning. Success is not given to you; you must earn it through hard work, dedication, focus, and perseverance.

Any help would be GREATLY appreciated. Thanks so much!

Essay is good- I would just watch repeating sentences with the same beginning.

Well, this is all narrative, but what is the moral of the story. The idea is not just to tell about your experience, but also to use your experience as an illustration of qualities and insights you have acquired.

A good way to give the essay some structure is to add a sentence at the end of your first para -- one that refers to the central theme... then, give a conclusion paragraph at the end where you evaluate your ideas, reflect on the implications, and add a final thought for the reader to take away from the reading.