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Football, leadership, spirituality - help with grammar.

tjay3193 2 / -  
Oct 5, 2010   #1
I did not know how to private message you, so Im writing here, hopefully thats okay. Thank You so much, I really do appreciate it! It was a tremendous amount of help.

I wish to continue my education in college, and be at the top. Education is very important to me, because I have seen and experienced the struggles of other people. My father immigrated to the US from South Korea with my mother in his senior year of high school. Not knowing a single word of English, he had a very hard time succeeding in school and excelling in his studies. He was laid off about two summers ago, and ever since then, it has been hard for him to obtain a job; he lacked the education and degree. My father has always told me that the key to success is education. My short term goal is to achieve many scholarships as possible, so I may be able to go to college. Both parents lack the ability to speak and write proper English, so it is very hard for them to progress forward or provide me with an abundant amount of financial aid for college through their occupation. My main priority as of right now, is to obtain the money for college, so I may be able to continue my educational studies. My long term goal, is to enter graduate school, so I can become a Physical Therapist, and work in the field that I have a passion for. I wish that through my academic records, I may be able to help my parents financially and succeed in the future, helping others regain their physical abilities. I hope to stay at the top, and put in a hundred times amount of effort as I did in high school. To make my parents proud, my siblings proud, and most importantly, be proud of myself.

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Discuss a leadership experience you have had in any area of your life - school, work, athletics, family, church, community, etc. How and why did you become a leader in this area? How did this experience influence your goals?

I am involved in many leadership activities and programs, such as my high school football team, my church's youth group, PALs (Peer Assistance Leadership), and volunteer programs; one event where I contributed most of my leadership skills was in a volunteer program called Wilderness School this past summer. My grandmother attends a separate church where our family goes, and this church is less developed than my church. My grandmother knows that I am involved in many programs where I help lead my church's youth group and the children of the church. She requested that I come and help a children program that will be hosted in her Church. I was in charge of leading praise and worship, bible study, and lock-ins. The program was 3 weeks long and consisted of praise,bible study, and reading/science comprehension, for Kinder - 5th grade. I was one of the older volunteers, so the pastor requested me with many task where I had a lot more responsibilities on my shoulders. We would start the day with praise, next bible study, then finish the day with reading/science comprehension. We didn't have as much volunteers, where an adult would lead the program, so I ended up taking many of the higher roles. Every Friday, the kids would come in the afternoon, and I would have to prepare games and activities for the lock-in. I was put in charge of the kids who came; the extra volunteers and I had to make sure they were safe, fed, and put to sleep before the next morning. It was very difficult at times controlling the vast amount children, but in the end they had fun and learned a lot of new information for the next school year. I felt like the program was a success, because I would hear a lot of positive comments from the parents and all the kids were looking forward to next year. I also learned how to cooperate with groups of kids that were all sorts of different ages; the program taught me how to adjust my self in different environments and act accordingly to the diversities around me. This experience put my leadership skills to the test, and I have learned that I still need to grow in this area. The positive side has influenced me to keep striving, but the negative side has also influenced me to become a more successful leader. I know I will face many adversities and tribulations, as I come closer to reaching my goals in college, but I feel more prepared and ready to push through whatever comes my way.

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Discuss your involvement in and contributions to a community near your home, school or elsewhere. Please select an experience different from the one you discussed in the previous question, even if this experience also involved leadership. What did you accomplish? How did this experience influence your goals?

I became a part of the leadership program in my church's youth group when I entered as a freshmen in High School. This leadership program in the youth group was created when my sister became a sophomore in high school. Being in the children program of my church, I could not wait until I finally entered middle school, so that I may be able to join the youth group and do all the activities they operated. As I finally entered as a 6th grader in the youth group, looking at my sister carry out her leadership roles in the youth group amazed me. She worked hard, guided the youth group, and diligently became a servant for our needs. Soon, my sister would leave the youth group and join the upper class college group, and some one needed to step up; the teachers of my youth group chose me. Ever since I entered high school, I have been a leader for my youth group and served the church. I gradually began to love my youth members, and participated in every way possible, so that I was I able to spend endless times with them. As a leader, my duties were to plan events, lead retreats and mission trips, and guide the youth group into the direction of the church. I would carry out other higher roles, like becoming the leader for the praise team and hospitality team. Every Saturday, the praise band would meet and practice for the next day's worship. I would lead the practice and instruct my praise members musically and spiritually.Also as the leader for the hospitality team, it was my duty to unite the youth group into one body. Our team would also meet on Saturdays, making welcome cards, birthday cards, and writing encouragement letters to the ones who would felt as if they were not a part of the family. The Korean churches of the Austin community, would gather all the youth group for a time of fellowship, and the leaders of the youth group would meet and have organize/manage the events; as a leader of my youth group, I was able to meet other leaders around the Austin community that served the same role as me, and learn from their perspectives. Through this leadership program, I have experienced many significant roles of a leader. I learned that leadership is not always about the one guiding the group or yelling out instructions, but leadership is an act of sacrifice; a position of servitude. I gained the respect of my fellow youth members, teachers, and parents. I learned the actions of humility and humbleness, and I also created a new vision inside of me. I know in the future, that I will be leading a larger set of people than my youth group; which consisted about 50 young kids looking up to me as a role model. I hope that through the experiences and adversities I have faced, that I am able to successfully lead other followers into the right direction, whatever the purpose it may be. My position at the church has influenced me to approach my short-term and long-term goals the right way. With a positive mind set and a confident will, I hope to gain the respect of my future classmates and teachers in college. Just as I have worked hard to gain the respect and love from my youth group, my goal is to succeed in my educational studies while being able to practice my leadership skill around my new environment.

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Other than through classes in school, in what areas (non-academic or academic) have you acquired knowledge or skills? How?

As a Varsity Football player, I have gained a huge amount of knowledge and life skills through the past years of playing football. This sport is more than just athletic based skills and hitting other players for fun, it teaches one how to be under self control. I live two different kind of lives, a life of an athlete and the life of an honor student. Very rarely do other students experience the position I am in. Most are only focused on excelling in athletics or excelling in their academic studies, but I have had a chance to experience them both. I am the only player on my team who have shown academic excellence, but I am also the only student that participate in the Varsity Football among my "intellectual friends". Our football program is based upon three characteristics: Character, Discipline, and Commitment. Over the past few years, I have been able to build my character, practice my discipline, and train my commitment. When no one is watching me, what will I be doing in the dark? When times are tough and things aren't going my way, will I complain and gripe to my peers? Will I be able to gain trust and respect through my attitude and commitment? . It has been a very rough ride balancing my academic studies with football, while maintaining the position in my school, but in return I was able to find the answer for each of those three questions. My parents have pressured me that I must stay on top of my grades and excel in my studies, almost to the point where I wanted to quit football and just focus on my school work; but staying in football taught me how to persevere...to never give up. My high school experience will never be regretful, the only thing I would ever regret was if I had quitted football. My mentality of life would be totally different, and I would probably have lost all the knowledge I have obtained from my football team. I learned how to be a family, a team, and work as one body. I know that in the future, I will face many adversities just like I have in football. A bruise on my shoulder, a sprain in my ankle, a cut through my arm, a jam in my fingers...each serve to symbolize my future speed bumps in life. Football has prepared me to fight through these hardships that will come in different figures and forms in college, may it be stubborn classmates, difficult courses, unsympathetic professors, or simply me myself. I will always reexamine my character, discipline, and commitment, and make sure that I am on the right path.

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EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Oct 10, 2010   #2

In the future please start a new thread for each essay. That is how we stay organized. :-)

as many as possible:
My short term goal is to achieve as many scholarships as ...

Capitalize Bible.
The program was 3 weeks long and consisted of praise, Bible study, and reading/science comprehension, for Kindergarten - 5th grade.

This sport is more than just athletic ski lls and hitting other players for fun; it teaches one how to be under self control.

I am the only player on my team who has shown academic excellence, but I am also the only student that participates in the Varsity Football among my "intellectual friends".

...each serves to symbolize my...

:-) I think these definitely reflect your hard work and seriousness. If you have any trouble getting the first scholarship you try for, or getting accepted into the first school to which you apply, don't worry! People are able to recognize your dedication, and if you don't give up I would bet a thousand dollars you can achieve your goals and be a great PT.

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