Hello this is my first attempt at my personal statement for UCF and I need a second opinion I am still unsure whether or not this essay is good enough to be submitted.
Thanks - Jesus
If there has been some obstacle or "bump in the road," in your academic or personal life, please explain the circumstances.
Growing up my learning environment was always calm and quiet, whenever I came home from school I would sit down and do my homework without any interruptions. My parents were always available to help me out with my school work and as a result I had always found school to be extremely easy. However, all of that changed in 2010 when my Dad lost his job.
I remember it like it was just yesterday I'm sitting at home watching tv with my Mom and my sister and all of a sudden my Dad opened the door. At first I couldn't believe it was my Dad the man that had walked in that day was a hot mess with a look of dismay on his face.My Dad was usually the antithesis of those things. Once I realized it was him I quickly ran up to him gave him a big hug and asked him what was wrong. He then told me that he would tell us all as a family and so we all gathered at the kitchen table and waited patiently for him to tell us what had happened. Once we were all settled down he said, "I might as well just come out and say it I lost my job, I know this seems like a bad thing but we have to have a positive outlook on this situation we are gonna make it through this we always do" .Unfortunately my Dad never got a stable job that paid as well as his previous job after that because of this my mom had to get a job as well leaving me alone to do schoolwork by myself.Consequently for the first time in my life I was forced to think for myself. Furthermore, I became so resourceful that even when our house was foreclosed on and my parents were constantly fighting against each other I would still find a time and a place to get away from all of that and focus on my academics. For instance I would stay after school for tutoring, use the school computers for looking up tutorials on the internet, and go into the library so I could read my textbooks in a quiet environment much like the one I used to have when I was a little kid.
Why did you choose to apply to UCF?
Ever since I participated in a UCF Program called Junior knights which centered around learning how to program in different programming languages I knew that UCF was for me. During my time in this program I not only learned how to program in C, but I also got to talk to some UCF students who were majoring in Computer Science and they told me of all the opportunities that UCF had to offer. The internships, the scholarship opportunities, different and fun ways to get involved with the UCF Community such as joining the UCF Programming team or the Robotics Team. Further it is because of the Junior Knights program that I got into Computer Science in the first place making UCF the Ideal place where I would end up studying Computer Science.
First, I am pretty sure the word is no near to 500. So, I think you should add something to get close that number.
Second, this essay would be more touching if you could add something in the ending, such as what helped go through those messes or what you have gained through those experience.
- Growing up, my learning
- Consequently for the first time in my life I was forcedhad to think for myself. ( saying that you were forced to do something is like saying that your family has inflicted a negative impact in your life and you don't want this to be one information that your UCF admissions officer will think about your family )
- Furthermore, I became so resourceful that
- even when our house was foreclosed on and my parents were
- constantly fighting against each other, I would still find a
- use the school computers forto looking up
Why did you choose to apply to UCF?
- During my time in this program I did not only
- learned how to program in C,
- who were majoringare seeking major in Computer
- Further more it is because of the
- Ideal place where I would end up studyingin taking up Computer Science.
Yeshua, what I can say with your essay is that, it has a good flow, a structure that made sense and a comprehensive idea that leads to only one goal, your academic success.
I hope my remarks help.
