I'm open to any pointers, especially about what fits/doesn't fit seeing as my essay is 998 characters :/
I'm pretty content with my topic I just don't want to seem all over the place, thanks!
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).
Coming from a family who worships the gods of futbol, my just place on July 11th, 2010 was sitting on a couch, screaming at the top of my lungs, watching the FIFA World Cup. Ironically, we were at O'Hare International Airport awaiting Chloë, my French Exchange Student for the next three weeks, not caring one bit that we were missing the match. Volunteering to host a foreign exchange student through ECL was my most culturally rewarding experience. I still remember how nervous I was awaiting Chloë and how quickly that feeling disappeared when I saw her. She was petite, bubbly, and full of the knowledge I yearned to learn about life in France. Throughout the three weeks, I became aware of the struggling European economy and its effect on the middle class families, I discovered the great amount of pressure put on the students to earn top marks in school, I learned of what European teens enjoy doing, and I realized what I was most excited to participate in the next 4 years; study abroad.
Well-written, but did you actually end up studying abroad? You don't need to expound on that in the short answer, but make sure that it is clear somewhere in your application.
This bit: "I learned of what European teens enjoy doing" sounds awkward.
Perhaps "I learned about the hobbies of European teens" or "I learned about Chloë's personality and her favorite activities" (but I would put this one first in the series if you use it)
No I didn't study abroad because I wrote this to apply for undergrad admission and I meant that this experience influenced my decision to study abroad when I attend college.
Thanks for that suggestion! I stared at it for a good 10 mins before I posted it on here because I didn't like how it was put lol glad you posted that!
Here are my changes...any suggestions? :)
Coming from a family who worships the gods of futbol, my just place on July 11th, 2010 was sitting on a couch, screaming at the top of my lungs, watching the FIFA World Cup. Ironically, I was at O'Hare with my family awaiting Chloë, my French Exchange Student for the next three weeks, not caring one bit that we were missing the match. Volunteering to host a foreign exchange student through ECL was my most culturally rewarding experience. I still remember how nervous I was to meet Chloë and how quickly that feeling disappeared when I saw her. She was petite, bubbly, and full of the knowledge I yearned to learn about life in France. Through this opportunity, I learned about the interests of European teens, I became aware of the struggling European economy and its effect on the middle class families, I discovered the great amount of pressure put on the students to earn top marks in school, and I realized what I was most excited to participate in over the next four years: Studying abroad.
