Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 6


"I must form a balance between the world about me and the world inside me" - NU supplement


urbuddy542 2 / 4  
Oct 21, 2009   #1
A Taoist monk once said, "I must form a balance between the world about me and the world inside me." This quote can describe my life through high school. What does balance mean to me? Staying active in athletics, excelling in academics and having an active social life. Throughout high school I tried to balance sports, academics, and social life. I haven't always been successful; I would struggle in one platform while performing in another. When I was an athlete, my grades would suffer; likewise, when I was excelling academically, my social life would suffer. As I matured, I have identified the imbalance of time allocation as a main reason. In college, with more time, I can allocate most of my time not only to academics but also towards extra-curricular activities and a social life. When I finalized my college lists, Northwestern was always first on my lists because of its academic prestige, social life, and extra-curricular activities that create the balance I desire.

The most important thing about college is, academics, and from my mom (a former post-doctorate employee of NU), my visits, and my research that Northwestern is an elite school offering top-notch academics. At a young age, my mom took me with her lab when she was a graduate student and I was always intrigued with the numerous scientific mysteries she worked on. From those Saturdays in the chemistry labs, I developed a lifetime inclination towards sciences for that I attribute my interest in engineering to. The thoughts of engineering have always appealed to me; therefore, I am going apply to the McCormick School of Engineering and Applied Sciences. From my past history with sciences I have felt that McCormick's Engineering First approach to engineering would suit me best, by taking science out of the raw format and making it into something applicable and useful to the world. Although, I intend to apply as an undecided; I believe I will easily find my calling with the Engineering First Program, which will allow student-professors interactions to better understand the principals of each discipline and find my true desire. Also the program endorses student-professor interactions outside the classroom, undergraduate research for freshmen and the co-op program that allows students to understand how to apply the material learned. Besides engineering, the university's policy on taking courses in different schools and the quarter calendar allows me to take courses that interest me and still graduate within four years, and the university's stance on well rounded scholars allows students to easily double-major. Although there are numerous classes, programs, and opportunities at Northwestern I would enjoy, but as of right now, I'm also interested in the Kellogg Business Certificate program and Business Institutions Program, the five year BS/MS in engineering and double majoring psychology or economics.

When I visited, I walked down Sheridan Road and under The Arch, as I read the signs posted on the ground, the trees and outside buildings; I became captivated in the activities. With so many activities, I don't know how to get the best college experience. To supplement my academics, I will partake in the extra-curricular activities Northwestern offers from: varsity athletics, clubs, IM sports, academic organizations, philanthropic and Greek life. So in college with so many things to do, I can see myself fulfilling my athletic needs, rekindling old interests and developing new desires.

After my visit, I fully comprehend the standard; all Northwestern students are diverse and unique. In the Math-220 class I sat-in, I noticed the standard across the classroom: the intimating football player who was very helpful, the studious types that socialized, the international student that seemed very interested in American culture, and the people on campus whom I interacted with led me to my perception all students at Northwestern, enjoyed a balance; they do not focus in excelling at academics or social life, rather they are balancing school and social life. Hopefully, I can become another illustrious face in the variety of many sharing a common characteristic, balance.
tsunami 1 / 17  
Oct 21, 2009   #2
Too repetitive. You talk explain too much about balance. You only need to explain once. And then afterwards, you don't need to say that you're gonna try to balance yourself, cuz its implied.

"and from my mom (a former post-doctorate employee of NU), my visits, and my research that Northwestern is an elite school offering top-notch academics"

is grammatically incorrect, because its a phrase not a sentence.

"I developed a lifetime inclination towards sciences for that I attribute my interest in engineering to." is a runon sentence

"..I attribute my interest in engineering to. The thoughts of engineering have always appealed to me;" Again repetitive?

"Although there are numerous classes, programs, and opportunities at Northwestern I would enjoy, but as of right now"

Take out either "although" or "but"

"outside the classroom, undergraduate research "
needs conjunction in between
hope this helps
OP urbuddy542 2 / 4  
Oct 21, 2009   #3
should i even include the parts about ecs and the general students on campus? I am trying to build an essay that gives a personal statement on so-so grades, an interest on engineering and who i seek to become through NU. but thanks for the help on the grammar.
EF_Stephen - / 264  
Oct 21, 2009   #4
From those Saturdays in the chemistry labs, I developed a lifetime inclination towards sciences for that I attribute my interest in engineering to.

This is a little awkward. Can you rephrase it?

and the people on campus whom I interacted with

Remember tha trule about dangling prepositions? It applies here, too, even though it isn't dangling. This is better: the people on campus with whom I interacted.

tsunami's comments are good ones too.
OP urbuddy542 2 / 4  
Oct 21, 2009   #5
can u guys respond to essay structure, is it weak? and are some points irrelevant? thanks
EF_Stephen - / 264  
Oct 21, 2009   #6
The structure is weakened by your very long paragraphs. You definitely need to break that up into smaller chunks.

And since you're writing about balance, you really ought to be balanced with the essay. Move through the points logically, clearly and directly.


Home / Undergraduate / "I must form a balance between the world about me and the world inside me" - NU supplement
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳