I have written all the parts of my essays but i am having trouble wrapping them up. i also need help on reviewing grammar mistakes, and spelling errors.
Prompt 1:
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school- and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
ESSAY #1
When I read this prompt I thought of disadvantages I have suffered in my life, and how I overcame these disadvantages. But I analyzed the prompt one last time, and realized that the disadvantages helped me shape my dreams and aspirations.
I really did not know what being Asian meant to the rest of the world until middle school. My middle school had two distinct programs, a regular school, and a highly gifted magnet school. I went to the regular school, which had only a handful of Asian kids, while the magnet school had an abnormal amount of Asian kids. However, there were some classes, like electives, that put both magnet kids, and regular kids in one classroom. In my sixth grade year I had one of these classes, Orchestra. I was seated in an area with some Asian kids. We began talking and I asked what classes they had, and while they had all the same teachers, my schedule did not match up with any of theirs. They realized that I was not one of them, but an outsider. They ostracized me. It hurt to be rejected. Luckily, I switched seats but I never talked to those kids again.
I felt so angry after these kids rejected me, but I had no way to express my emotions. I only had a few friends and they never had an experiences such as I had. I finally found a medium that I felt at home with, photography. I picked up my dad's old Nikon FE, a thirty-five millimeter camera, and I instantly fell in love. At a time when digital camera technology started to become viable for everyone, I was using an obsolete clunker. The camera was neglected like me, and when I found it I cherished it. At first the Nikon was difficult to use; Setting aperture, manually focusing the lens, and figuring out how to use natural light, were all things that I never had to do with a digital camera. All the deficiencies of the camera are the best parts of the Nikon; Tweaking the aspects lead to a different type of picture. All the imperfections the world saw with my film camera made it unique. Just like me, I was distinctive, one of the few Asian kids in the regular school. For this reason I was connected to the camera. I could capture the world in the way I wanted it to be. I started looking at photography as something that I could pursue in the future.
Overall the kids in my middle school helped me more than they hurt me. I found an art that I could show my true feelings with.
Prompt 2:
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
Essay #2
In my freshman year of high school I picked up a skateboard. Unlike all my peers who had started to learn how to play the piano, or participated in sports at school I wanted to skateboard. Something about skateboarding was so different from every other sport. I quickly learned that skateboarding was a task that would not be easy to learn. Starting to skate was terrible; I could not even stand on a skateboard when I started. Everyday I had bruises and cuts all over my body from falling, but for some strange reason I kept to it.
Skateboarding stole my time from me. On weekends I would start skating in the morning till long after the sun went down. I would go out and attempt aerial maneuvers for hours and hours on end. But skateboarding did not only push my physical limits, but also tested my mental limits. If I could not conquer a trick I would think about it for days. It would constantly be on my mind, and I would wait until the next weekend when I could try the trick. It was as if there was a war in my head. I would watch videos where professional skateboarders do the tricks I was trying, and I would slow motion those parts, watching them over and over again. When I finally executed these tricks I felt accomplished, to say the least. There was a weight lifted off my shoulders. The battle in my head turned into a cease-fire. All problems left my head, I forgot about school, drama between friends, family problems, and everything.
When learning to skateboard, my skateboard actually taught me. Skateboarding showed me that I could actually accomplish something. It showed that I have the ability to learn something new. I put hours and hours into skateboarding, and now I can do things on my skateboard that I never thought were possible. Skateboarding showed me that I can achieve anything as long as I have persistence. Simple hard work and determination can get me through anything. When I go to the skate park and I see little kids learning to skateboard I cannot even imagine when I did not know how to skate. It seems like a past so long ago, and it makes me proud of where I am at now. I did not really know what I could do until I accomplished so much skateboarding. I was truly passionate about learning how to skateboard, and I achieved my goals. I take this attitude to everything I do now. On this application, I put my all to make it the very best I possibly can make it, just as I did when I began to skateboard.
Skateboarding makes me who I am today. The work and dedication I put into everything I do is a product of my skateboarding. Skateboarding over all showed me that plain effort can produce extraordinary outcome.
I think you should refer to the question a bit more at the start:
When I reflect on the question of how my family and environment have influenced me, I think of disadvantages I have suffered in my life, and how I overcame these disadvantages.
I found an art form through which I can show...
The conclusion of essay #1 should be developed more. Say something meaningful about this insight in relation to your envisioned future.
Every day I had bruises and...
In the second essay, how does this relate to the person you are? You answer, "Skateboarding makes me who I am today." and... Skateboarding over all showed me that plain (what kind of effort? Sincere effort, maybe) effort can produce extraordinary outcome.---> add a sentence at the end to connect this insight to your chosen professional field.
