This is my FSU Admission Essay. It can only be 500 words and I am already at 502 and I feel like I need to end it in some way but still need to incorporate all three kinds of strength that the prompt talks about. How can I shorten some of my earlier paragraphs to be able to sum it up in the end? And if you have any suggestions or comments please tell me! Anything is appreciated!!!!
The Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.
In the past two years, certain situations in my life have challenged me to become stronger morally, physically and intellectually. I have had to learn to make hard decisions regarding friends, pushed myself physically to excel in sports and learn to be very diligent with my studies. Through it all though, my courage to face hard circumstances has grown and I now look at challenges with perseverance and strength.
High School has presented lots of opportunities that test the strength of my morals. Towards the end of my sophomore year, my best friend started to drift away and become involved in things I didn't support. I struggled with the fact that if I didn't join her, I would lose the one person I could tell anything to. Realizing the consequences of her actions, I chose to stand firm in my morals and resist the temptation to go along with her. Our friendship grew apart and I began to spend my time around people that encouraged me to make wise choices. Even though I really missed her, I knew I had done the right thing. Time passed and eventually, she came to the realization that she needed to change her ways. This made all of my tough choices seem worth it. This example of the strength of my morals helped to show me that staying true to what you believe has strong advantages and value.
Strength is not only seen in smart decision making. It can also be noticed in someone's physical ability. In the past two years, I have developed a love of running. What I have found is that while I run, not only is my ability to run getting better, but my mental toughness and clarity of mind increases as well. Being strong physically has the potential to mold a person into someone who can push on when they feel they cannot go any further. So while it may seem like physical strength is a rather shallow attribute to have, it really depicts the stamina a person has in the midst of tribulation. Through training vigorously for both Volleyball and Basketball, I have found that my capability to push myself to finish and work hard has grown. My own personal passion for running has also shown that my physical power can work its way into other aspects of my life to make me a stronger person in general.
My intellectual strength has been tested a lot during my high school years as my course load has been challenging. What I have found though, is that the more difficult it is, the more rewarding it is to know when you have succeeded in something. My sophomore year, I chose to take AP European History, one of the most difficult courses offered. At first I felt burdened by how much work it was and struggled to see any improvement. As countless hours studying and reading passed, I finally realized it was all worth it when I found out I passed the exam.
Shelby,
This was one of the better essays I have read that dealt with this prompt! You have clearly defined the three attributes, as far as I am concerned, and you defined them throughout the essay. You have separated the information into three paragraphs, and each one is also clearly defined. I commend you on such a well-written essay.
I have offered you some suggestions, although minor. I wish you luck with your endeavors!
--Mark :)
High School has presented lots of opportunities that tested the strength of my morals.
I struggled with the fact that if I didn't join her, I would lose the one person I could tell anything toin whom I could confide .
At first I felt burdened by how much work it waspresented and struggled to see any improvement
