Hi, I would really appreciate your guys's help on this. I know this is super last minute but any help you could offer would be greatly appreciated. Here is my essay. I would love for you to make any corrections or suggestions! Oh, and please comment on the clarity and the flow! Its about 700 words, i think it may be a little long. The directions said 1 to 2 pages and I assumed single spaced so this is the result.
Extended Essay: Where is Waldo, really?
For generations we've been looking for the elusive Waldo. We search and search but fail to see that Waldo can never be truly found. We fanatically look, hoping to catch a glimpse of him. Our eyes scan pictures searching for the familiar red and white stripes. We do not look beyond that. We may catch sight of him waving in a crowd or hiding in a tree. We smile with satisfaction having triumphantly found Waldo, but have we? Is he really found? I say no. We are satisfied with seeing the red and white sweater but we fail to question, "why? Why is he hiding?" He is not hiding but merely waiting to be discovered, to be seen for who he truly is just like thousands of us. Just like me. Waldo hides similar to how we hide. We don't hide in crowds or in corners. We hide behind elaborate facades, invisible walls, pretenses.
He hides with us. It's so hard to find him because he hides with the parts of ourselves we conceal. He hides with me, behind my façade of perpetual happiness and occasional childlike demeanor. He hides with me because, I'm scared to show the real me, the sensitive girl hiding behind humor. I'm scared to show the girl who thinks far too much about the little things, the small digs or the offhand comments. Behind the adventurous independent outspoken me, a shyer, scared, pensive girl resides. He hides with me because I too am hiding. Among the most frightening things is to be exposed for who we truly are. We wish lock away emotions and feelings we think to be embarrassing. We change how we act depending upon our company. We are chameleons, ever changing with our surroundings. We fear to show our true selves. Waldo understands that. He gets that putting yourself out there is a terrifying thing. That's why he hides. But you see, he is an enigma. He fears exposure but he wishes to be seen. His choice of clothes can attest to that. He wears a bright red and white striped sweater. It is a plea for attention.
He wants to be seen. He deeply desires for someone to put in the effort to find him, in his truest form. He wants people to see him for who he is, a scared man, wanting to be discovered. I can only speculate his fears. He fears to be rejected. He fears to be abandoned. He doesn't put down roots. He doesn't settle. Waldo runs from place to place. The difference between Waldo and us is that he lives in constant fear. He never puts himself out there. We do. We put ourselves out there when falling in love, when forming true friendships, when applying for universities. We let ourselves be vulnerable; we let ourselves be seen by others for that moment. We let ourselves be seen in our most vulnerable by a few people, our loved ones. Waldo lacks those relationships. He lives a lonely existence, flitting from place to place, his spirit flitting from person to person.
Waldo darts from person to person, feeding off their vulnerability. He isn't a monster. He is miserable. Misery loves company. He lives a life on the run, running from anything truly real, real emotions, real feelings, real relationships. He wants a life free of pain. Without taking chances and revealing his true self, without the possibility of getting hurt, without the chance of getting rejected, he doesn't genuinely feel. It's a lesson Waldo needs to learn. He doesn't see that this possibility of pain and rejection is worth the risk. By working past the fear, getting over the initial repulsion and apprehension, we develop ourselves. We become strong. We are resilient. Waldo doesn't see that, and that is his tragic mistake of magnanimous proportions. He has given his life a
way, moving from one crowd to the next, hiding among a sea of people.
For now, Waldo is no longer with me. At this very moment I am vulnerable, putting all my hopes into getting into the University of Chicago, letting you, reader, see a small piece of me and what I believe. Waldo can't have that. Vulnerability scares him to death. He runs from it. He ran from me. The difference between me and Waldo is that, no matter how scared of rejection I am, I am trying. I'm not waiting for you to find me, to see who I am.
hmmmmmmm. I am going to be very brutal.
Of all the waldo essays have read. yours is not the best or the worst. just there.
Your introduction is good, but every essay have read start by looking for waldo blah blah blah
He wants a life free of pain. Without taking chances and revealing his true self, without the possibility of getting hurt, without the chance of getting rejected, he doesn't genuinely feel this sentence can be rephrased together.
a shyer, scared, pensive girl resides. a shy,scared and pensive...
Your essay is truly brilliant but the introduction is too common, but leave the " why" aspect.that is key to your story.
You might start by saying: I have found waldo.I am am presently looking at him. I see him locked underneath our subconscious. He now moves to mind. OMG, he is directing my action. But why? Why this hiding.... BLAH. just be different.
Great work.
