Hello, Im applying to college today and I need last minute feedback on this supplement.
Community - educational, geographic, religious, political, ethnic, or other - can define an individual's experience and influence her journey. How has your community, as you identify it, shaped your perspective? (250 word limit).
Four days is the maximum I will stay with my Mom or Dad at a time; it is part of the transient lifestyle that divorce often brings about. Growing up in two households, my story is a two-sided novel titled, "Half-White-Half-Korean." Each Thanksgiving, Christmas, weekend, and birthday is divided into two, and the time spent with each parent display the disparities between my Korean and European heritage. At Christmas dinner with my dad, we eat traditional Korean food such as Ddeok Gook and Jap Chae. After, I honor my elders by bowing, placing my hands on my forehead, and slowly kneel on our special bamboo mat. Hours later, I arrive at my moms house, where my respect is relayed through eating pie and drinking hot-chocolate by the fireplace. We listen to old Charlie brown CDs and later gather around the antique dining table covered in passed-down relics from our English ancestors. I am a "halfie," as most people would describe me. But being a "halfie" has defined me beyond my cultural upbringing. Growing up in a predominately Mormon community but going to a liberal school, I have gained friends from both sides of conservancy and libertarianism and have never believed anyone is better than the other, just like my heritages. Being "halfie" allows me to identify with multiple people and groups, it has allowed me to embrace life with an open mind and make my differences a linkage in understanding other peoples' diversity and adversity.
I really enjoy the presented idea that as you grew up exposed to different cultures you learned to appreciate tolerance for the new.
Personally, I regard this as a very strong essay.
Could you point out a part of your essay that you don't feel very condifent about, as that might help me focus on a certain passage.
I agree with OMGreeny.
But being a "halfie" has defined me beyond my cultural upbringing.
.... very impressive!
it has allowed me to embrace life with an open mind and make my differences a linkage in understanding other peoples' diversity and adversity.
.... the highlighted part is the only place I got stuck... However, I read it in full and enjoyed every line you have written :)
This is strong writing and there's nothing for you to worry about. Go ahead and confidently submit this.
Wish you good luck with your application! :)
I really liked your essay, and don't see anything wrong with it. That's funny, I'm applying to Barnard, too, and wrote mine about growing up in a Mormon community. Best of luck!!
P.S. I think the words you are looking for when you say "conservancy and libertarianism" is "conservatism and liberalism." Libertarianism is something different.
