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FRANKLIN AND MARSHALL SUPPLEMENT..LEARNING BY DOING !! NEED HELP


impatient101 8 / 17 3  
Jan 9, 2014   #1
IT's very URGENT! Please help me with mine and I will definitely help you with yours. Thanks!

What does being a diplomat mean to you?

Last year, I realized I had been studying all my life, but not actually learning. At the time, I was volunteering at a school in a remote part of Nepal. In a creative arts class, I wanted to teach the kids an artwork I had been taught in school. I brought all the materials essential for the art and did the exact same thing I'd seen my teacher do. At the end, it didn't come out as what my teacher had done. But how could it be? I'd done everything required. Then, it hit me; I'd just watched her doing it but never actually had a chance to do it myself. It wasn't just with the art. With everything else in my life too, I'd just sat in my classroom listening to what my teacher had said and had memorized things from the textbooks. With f and m I believe it can change for me. I will be a part of a community which embraces learning. Being a diplomat, I can finally learn.

Coming from an underdeveloped country, I've seen scarcity and misuse of resources all my life. Being a diplomat I believe I will be able to change this for creating a more sustainable environment. Being a diplomat means a lot more to me than the excellent academic opportunities I will find here. It's the experience of learning with world renowned faculty about the subject I love. The teachers who are our mentors and friends will inspire me to discover and reach my full potential. I will be part of a community where everyone is like a family and cares about each other, a diverse community in the rich multicultural campus. For an international high school graduate like me, it will be an opportunity to become a global citizen of the 21st century. Simply put, being a diplomat means everything to me because I will be able to get "real" education without having to worry about the financial costs involved. I come from a place where all my life, education has been constricted within four walls of the classroom. I am a pragmatist who believes in learning by doing. With the help of f and m's educational opportunities that doesn't see any boundaries, I feel I can finally contribute back to the community and make a positive change.
grey_form 1 / 5 1  
Jan 9, 2014   #2
I will be able to change this for creating [to create ] a more sustainable environment.

I will be part of a community where everyone is like a family (this sentence is a little weird) and cares about each other, a diverse community in the rich multicultural campus.

I desire to be part of the diverse community in [your school], and develop a strong relationship with my fellow classmates/schoolmates from multicultural backgrounds.

"I come from a place where all my life, education has been constricted within four walls of the classroom."
This sentence is a little too strong and rather negative. You are telling others that your whole life has not been learning rightly, which does not support you as a "pragmatist" in the later statement. Maybe change the tone or the way to present it.

Can you help me with my essay?
essayforum. [delete the blank] com/undergraduate-essays-2/common-app-background-story-central-pa ssion-biology-due-jan-55153/
I just need some first-impression comments and feedbacks, of whether it is engaging enough... Thank you!


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