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Short Franklin and Marshall sups: Why F&M/Who would I want to be in a day?


zoechan132 1 / 1  
Jan 11, 2016   #1
1. On September 27, 1777 Lancaster served as the nation's capital for a single day. If you could do anything or be anyone for one single day, what would you do? (150 word limit)

2. Why F&M? (100 word limit)


Hi, can you please have a look at my drafts for F&M short questions? For the first prompt, I think my ideas are rather undeveloped, so it would be great if you can tell me what I can add to it. For the second prompt, I'm not sure if it's specific enough. Both of these are due in a couple of days, so any help would be appreciated. Thank you!

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1. Were I given the chance to become anyone for a day, I would choose to be an anonymous street singer. I'm always highly aware of the balance between connections with self and others, and becoming a street singer could help me use the vigor of singing to achieve it. For a while, singing has been my "little covetous companion" and I have been my only audience. I sing under my face mask on the street, I sing in my building's non-cameraed elevator, I sing whenever I'm alone. However, as a street singer, I could turn singing from a way to connect with my inner self into a tool to connect with the external world. I imagine of a scene in which I, with my plain antique guitar, share my stories through every music note and hear other people's sharings as they stop by and sing with me. No spotlight, no fame, no distance, existing between us is only the strong thread of music, our common interest.

2. F&M appeals to me with its unique BOS Department department and College Houses. Particularly, I believe BOS's small size of maximum 85 students and cross-disciplinary approach makes it a perfect place for me, as I hope to be in a college environment where I can not only work closely alongside with faculty but also get a precious comprehensive toolkit of both marketable skills and intellectual development in business, my intended college major. Also, I'm more than interested in F&M's distinctive traditions of College Houses, an ideal environment for students' development with vibrant interwined intellectual and social life. I look forward to the day when I'm a part of one of the houses, joining the Connections Seminars and contributing to the diverse community with my cultural background and perspectives.
tantan 2 / 5 1  
Jan 12, 2016   #2
I can give you som ideals in grammar.
1. Were I given the chance to become anyone in one day, I would choose to ...
I'm always highly aware of the balanced connections between others and a street singer that help me use the vigor ...

I sing under my face mask on the street, singing in my building's non-camera elevator, singing whenever I'm alone.

I imagine of a scene in which I and my plain antique guitar, share my stories (...) other people's sharings as they stop by and sing with me. No spotlight, no fame, no distance, existing between us is only the strong thread of music and our common interest occur in my soul .

2. ... as I hope to become a student in the college environment where I can ...
... development with vibrant intert wined intellectual and social life. I look forward to the day when I am a part of one of the houses, joining ...
vangiespen - / 4,136 1449  
Jan 12, 2016   #3
Mai, for the first prompt, take your clue from the way that they discussed that women worked in the capital for one day. That is a historic moment in time that showed and welcomed a temporary social and political change in the country. Therefore, your response should be somewhere along those lines as well. It shouldn't be self centered commentary regarding how being an anonymous street singer can help you on such a minor level. Think big. Imagine what you could do alone during one day that can effect some sort of temporary but noticeable or historic change.

You have a redundancy in your 2nd prompt response:

F&M appeals to me with its unique BOS Department department and College Houses.

Avoid mentioning the class size. Instead, explain why the cross-disciplinary approach is an environment that you feel will benefit you tremendously academically. Also, don't discuss looking forward to the day that you are part of the College Houses. don't waste the word count telling the reviewer something that is not relevant to the prompt. You could end the statement early, short of the maximum word count if you have nothing more relevant to the prompt to say. Just make sure you have said more than the minimum word count.
OP zoechan132 1 / 1  
Jan 12, 2016   #4
Thanks very much @tantan and @vangiespen!


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