ESSAY 1: Given what you know about Olin College, please tell us why you think Olin is a good fit for you. Please keep your thoughts to no more than 500 words.
I guess my first encounter with the Olin college was an accident during my quest for college. However, intrigue and curiosity delved me into the world of what is Franklin W. Olin School of Engineering...
The tiny class size is the first thing that gravitated me towards Olin College. There is a high capacity for one-on-one attention with professors which enables a bright eyed-student like myself to forge relationships and take learning to another level. In addition, I value the idea of leaving my room and happily greeting everyone I see. I envision myself walking down the halls and waving to John from my physics class, or perhaps assisting Professor Christianson with her teetering coffee .
I believe that Olin College is one the rare institutions that truly represents the notion that "the whole is greater than the sum of its parts." Upon my visit, I sensed the community atmosphere that was incomparable to any other campus. Personally, I thrive upon group learning and interaction. Being surrounded with like-minded people, can provide me the challenges that I lust for. The exchange of ideas and open receptiveness to a motley of thoughts and opinions is my ideal college experience. Watching through the windows of the library I could see study groups lounging around talking with the most expressive and excited faces. That gave me assurance: I would fit right in. Without a doubt, I can envision myself at Olin College.
One of the most important qualities I can offer to the greater whole of Olin college, is my natural leadership, passion, curiosity, and imagination. I cast visions beyond merely a great education. I want to harness the values of what makes Olin College, Olin College and pair them with my enthusiasm, to perhaps start a club, join a sports team, tutor a friend, or give a presentation in class.
Albert Einstein once said, "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." Imagination cannot be defined, and imagination is something that cannot be measured by a 2010 World News Report. However, imagination can be seen through the creativity of the students, heard by the lecturing professors, and felt by the tactile sensation that I could feel on campus. This profound, ubiquitous sensation is the final reason why I was drawn to Olin. At Franklin Olin College of engineering, I feel like the possibilities are endless... Einstein has his Bern Switzerland to fabricate and ponder the mysteries of the universe; perhaps in the future, I will have my Needham, Massachusetts.
ESSAY 2: One of the things that makes Olin so vibrant is the diversity of interests/passions that students bring to our community. Please describe how pursuing your passion has demonstrated leadership abilities, motivation, initiative, independence or ability to work with people. Please keep your thoughts to no more than 300 words. this one is really icky... i need help with this one. it's a bit...contrived?
Preserving life and beauty of the world around me has always been a passion of mine. I have been the labeled tree hugger since the 5th grade when my elementary school wanted to bulldoze a Crabtree that was blocking a teacher's view. True to the phrase, I hugged the tree until school officials peeled me off. At the expense of a detention, my efforts were rewarded. Since then I've been actively involved in Greenpeace, PETA, and have recently converted into a vegetarian.
Until this year, I only pursued my activism outside of school. But, with the encroaching senior year, I realized that I wanted to make an impact upon my school. For so long I passively observed my peers throw away perfectly recyclable sheets of white paper into the depths of the garbage cans only to inevitably end up among the countless tons of landfill space. I could no longer be a silent.
After innumerable meetings with my school's administrative office, I finally instituted a brand new Environmental Club. In doing so, I also organized the school's first recycling initiative. After requesting 217 plastic bins from our local IKEA, going green became a school-wide movement only with the help of my club members, the "go green" teacher committee, and the support of my parents and friends.
My hard work and time came to fruition only to reveal itself in a blossoming environmental consciousness unmatched by any other high school in the district. I'm simply amazed by how receptive my peers are. It only took one flicker to ignite the tinder of knowledge and awareness. Knowing that I was the tinder has instilled confidence within me more so than any game win, compliment, or award. Moreover, knowing that was able to motivate my peers was my greatest achievement.
if you want me to edit some of your stuff. please just comment below...
also check out some of my old posts... i guess my Stanford essays were received pretty well. thanks for reading:)
Just a few things...
"Olin College is one the rare institutions" This seems awkward to me but maybe I've just never heard the expression "one the rare" before. Just pointing it out incase you didn't intend it to be that way :)
"Being surrounded with like-minded people, can provide me the challenges that I lust for." No comma necessary. "Being surrounded" is the subject and "with like minded people" is just a prep phrase that modifies it; the whole thing is not an introductory gerund which would need a comma after it.
"One of the most important qualities I can offer to the greater whole of Olin college, is my natural leadership, passion, curiosity, and imagination." Again, no comma before the is.
"The exchange of ideas and open receptiveness to a motley of thoughts and opinions is my ideal college experience." I would change experience to something like atmosphere or intellectual nature...something that pertains more specifically to the academic part of college life. You don't want your WHOLE experience just to be about the exchange of ideas. I mean, I guess you might but I feel like that's not what you're intending to get at here.
"perhaps start a club, join a sports team, tutor a friend, or give a presentation in class" This sounds like kind of a random list of things. Perhaps I'm not understanding their significance but it sort of seemed out of place in the essay to me.
The last paragraph is nicely written but the only part I don't understand is why you brought in the 2010 World Report.
I think your second essay is actually awesome. The only paragraph that needs some fixing up is the second to last one. You start two sentences with "after" so it sounds kind of awkward. Other than that I actually really like it! Great story!!
thanks for the quick response.
Usually i'm a much more eloquent writer... but the crunch of time is just making my writing sound like crap. I guess this is the life of a procrastinator :)
I feel like the second one doesn't address the question directly... does my anecdote express my "leadership abilities, motivation, initiative, independence or ability to work with people" well enough?
haha life of a procrastinator... tell me about it. I really do think the second one is great. Most kids don't have that much conviction or forethought to actually implement an entire recycling system in their school so that's super impressive. It's really unique and you tell it fairly directly so people don't get lost in eloquent but sometimes confusing language (pretty as it may be). I really do think it's perfect, beyond the comment about the structural comment I made. Simple, direct, clear. Great!
