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Freedom - the right to choose. What is most important to you and why?

temiajare 2 / 8  
Nov 17, 2020   #1

the privilege of freedom

The most important thing to me is freedom. I believe that everyone should have the right to choose from a variety of options but at the same time, we must not jeopardize the freedom of others. To be free means to live and earn a living as a free and honest person. To be free means to express your opinion and build your future, freedom is the ability to be true to your ideas and principles. To be free is the most wonderful thing that humanity can afford to give to you. Unfortunately, many people do not have this basic freedom. In some societies, women are children as second class citizens. They do not have the same type of freedom that men in these societies have.

Furthermore, in some places, freedom is relative to wealth or status. In these societies, the wealthy class are the only ones who have the freedom to do some things which everyone should ordinarily be allowed to do.

As someone who is highly opinionated, I have been told in the past that I should not voice these opinions for one reason or the other. I believe that everyone should be allowed to express themselves in any way as long as it does not affect the freedom of another person. I long to live in a world where everyone has this freedom because no one deserves to be second class or to be anything less than equal to other humans.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,709 3055  
Nov 18, 2020   #2
You said freedom is important to you. That is a good topic to choose for this discussion. You listed the types of freedom that you believe in, also a good point. The problem, is that you missed the point of the personal importance of freedom to you. That is the discussion that the rest of the essay should have focused on. Why personal freedom is important to you.

You need to focus less on listing the freedoms that are important to you and more on the fact that you are a highly opinionated person who is being silenced by your country. That is where the importance of freedom should come from. In particular, you should discuss the importance of freedom of expression in a way that relates to what is happening to you as a person, as an individual, and as a person of your gender. Make the reviewer feel the importance of this freedom to you and why you should be given a chance to study at UBC because of your desire to achieve this freedom in your life.
huen 1 / 1  
Nov 18, 2020   #3
I think your essay is quite good with interested thesis. But you should demonstrate you example such as freedom is relative to wealth or status. You did not answer the question ''Why do freedom relative to wealth or status?'' . Anyway, you build an impressive overview and good ideas.
OP temiajare 2 / 8  
Nov 18, 2020   #4

Thank you! I will put further work into the essay


I will put your advice into consideration when rewriting the essay. Thank you!
OP temiajare 2 / 8  
Nov 19, 2020   #5
The most important thing to me is equality of the girl child. The struggle for equality is an ongoing one between different races, social statuses and even genders. Equality is a concept that is important to me as a result of many years of being denied my right to equality many times on trivial grounds like my height, gender or even age. On one occasion, I wanted to command my house marching squad in the inter-house competitions but was told I couldn't because the role was better suited to a male's voice. Consequently, I have used these opportunities to prove to naysayers that everyone should be treated equally regardless of individual differences. In a similar way, in many parts of Nigeria, women are still treated as second-class citizens. Most girls are married off at an early age or not allowed to go to school. And this practice exists in homes even in the more urban areas of Nigeria. Growing up I have always been told how lucky I am to have modern parents who do not believe in these backwards practices. I want other young girls to have this same privilege of equality and freedom. For this reason I joined the Voice Of The Girls Parliament. We meet as regularly as we can and deliberate on different issues facing the girl child, solutions to these problems and try to voice our suggestions to the appropriate channels such as the ministry of women's affairs.

I have rewritten the essay and made a few corrections. Tell me what you think.

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