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'Fresh start revelation' - Stanford's intellect engaging prompt.


viettran92 4 / 8  
Dec 19, 2009   #1
Please tell me what you think.
People are engaged intellectually all the time. While some have troubles with math, others with engineering, some with psychology, I have troubles with my college essays.

What do college essays have anything to do with this?
Well, if you have to convey the whole image of an individual in just 500 hundred words, which might take four months to write and can change your entirely future, then those 500 words should be a very intellectual challenge.

Since the moment I brought home books about college essays, confusion started. Some books said I should show a particular and special interest in the school in apply, plus an aspiration and will to achieve great things with its education. My friend, Gary, on the other hand, decided to write about his fondness toward ham radio. Meanwhile, my school counselor insisted me on writing about my trips to Africa, which he thought would make me special. And eventually, at the end of October, all I got in hand were incomplete drafts about different hobbies and trips.

Revelation comes with a fresh start. When I decided to trash all the previous drafts and began with new, elaborate thoughts, the result came within just four hours and two cups of coffee. I don't need life-changing experiences, or special hobbies to draw attention on myself, the only thing I need is to know how to put my experience, even if it is simple and insignificant, into a reflection of myself to a larger and more important scale, to revitalize my aspirations and ambitions in just plain words that will make me a real human beings, not "superheroes" who hope to change the world and help people with their dreams.

My essay, with just 400 plain words about a one-week humanitarian trip to Laos, satisfied me at last, even though it didn't satisfy my parents or my counselor. Why? Because I can see myself in it.

Wanderer_x 5 / 88  
Dec 19, 2009   #2
The best thing about your essay is its simplicity. It flows elegantly enough not to make you stumble any where.
At first, I thought you were taking the convenient route since I have read similar essays that try to be clever with the question. However, your essay takes a different approach later which I admire. The last line is really impactful and sums up your piece beautifully.

I hope your commonapp essay on trip to Laos I suppose is also well-written.

Please help me with mine...
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Dec 21, 2009   #3
What do college essays have anything to do with this?

What do college essays have to do with ________ (what??)

Meanwhile, my school counselor insisted that I should write about my trips to Africa, which he thought would make me special.

Revelation comes with a fresh start. When I decided to trash all the previous drafts and began with new, elaborate thoughts, the result came within just four hours and two cups of coffee.-----> very good sentence!!!

Okay, I am afraid I have to suggest that you make a big change. Only mention the college essays as an example, not as the whole focus of the essay. Write the essay about your intended field of study. Use the college essay example as an example to support what you are saying. It seems like what you really find to be intellectually engaging is the way that inspiration affects productivity. Now, do inspiration and productivity have anything to do with your career aspirations? If so, write about inspiration, and use this exchange with the guidance counselor as an example.

:-)
ldh8504 8 / 16  
Dec 21, 2009   #4
you have managed it pretty well, and especially
[b]Why? Because I can see myself in it.[b]
this part is just amazing. i can see yourself in there, too! ;)

but only one concern is that you might too narrow down your aspects
you can show off to adcoms. if your commonapp essay is superb, you will be
really fine. good luck ;)
goldeneye98 2 / 32  
Dec 25, 2009   #5
The essay itself is good. You have a great sense of style.

But writing about college essays the entire time sounds like a dangerous idea to me and does not really stand out. I suggest you take up another topic (maybe similar to this), but keep the same structure.


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