During the summer, my friend Rodrigo invited me to a youth center where he preaches weekly. Although I've been a Christian for over a year now, the thought of arriving as a newcomer filled my heart with fear. Rodrigo tried to calm me down; he told me that everyone at the youth center was really friendly, especially since they were open to hear about the word of God. As we rushed through the streets of Miami, my heart beat pounded faster and faster.
When we arrived, the kids immediately ran to greet Rodrigo. They immediately told him what they had done throughout the week. Their sense of intimacy with him brought me down to earth and made me feel more comfortable around them because I felt their need of friendship. I recall talking to this girl named Allison; she shared with me how the day before she banged her head against a pole because she could not stand being detained any longer. The only thing she longed for was freedom. As the words came out of her mouth, I learned to be thankful to God for the freedom, material things, family, educational opportunities, and many other things that he has given me. I could not help myself but to feel guilty about how all my dreams fulfill so easy compared to theirs. Throughout the night, I listened to heartbreaking testimonies of teenagers who have dreams, hopes, and goals to meet in this country, just like me seven years ago when I arrived from Chile. After hearing those stories of desolation and sadness, I shared with them my story of how I overcame many obstacles throughout my life like being unable to speak English and feeling like nobody cared for me. To my surprise, my story gave them a little sense of hope and expectancy towards their future. What had seemed at first as a nerve-racking experience turned out to be a real awakening for my life.
This experience helped me realized that I have not suffered at all throughout my life compared to what these teenagers undergo daily. After having meaningful conversations with them, I realized that they were normal people just like me, with whom I could establish lifelong friendships. Whether I continue my education at the University of Florida or anywhere else, I will always have the desire to motivate people into pursing their dreams no matter what the obstacles or circumstances they face
Although I have been a Christian for over a year now, the thought of arriving as a newcomer filled my heart with fear.
I recall talking to this girl named Allison; she shared with me how the day before she banged her head against a pole because she could not stand being detained any longer. Detained where? This is confusing without further explanation.
Whether I continue my education at the University of Florida or anywhere else, I will always have the desire to motivate people into pursing their dreams no matter what the obstacles or circumstances they face. "
What is it about the essay that you do not like? What is the prompt?
