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My friend Tim; Common App Essay Influence of a Friend


dragonmaster16 1 / 1  
Dec 25, 2012   #1
Hey there,

It would be amazing if you guys could read my essay and give me feedback. Any grammatical changes would be great.

After seventeen years of my life, I have come to know many different types of people. I have seen people who are enchanted with athleticism , those who were gifted with intellengence, but I have also seen those who were misunderstood for their personality . These misunderstood people often expierence prejudice and are isolated from society. One such person that I have seen in my life was my friend Tim. Tim was always picked on by others because of his boisterous voice and his untimely jokes. He had even gotten in trouble with teachers for his unusual antics. While, most people would not find Tim a role model, I found Tim as my hero.

The first time I met Tim was nothing special. As a young 7th grader, I decided to enter Kumon, a tutoring center dedicated to the learning of math and reading. The very first day I entered the bright, illuminated room of Kumon, I had realized I was in an unknown territory. I was unaccustomed to the number of studious children working hard toward learning beyond school standards. I spotted Tim in his white coat, isolated from other students. At that time, I did not know that Tim would play an integral part of my life.

The first two years of Kumon were quite difficult, but I was able get through it with hard work. But as I entered my third year, I became frustrated with the level of math that I encountered. I encouraged myself not to give up, and, with very few options, I turned to Tim for help. In the following weeks,

Tim helped me get through my struggles with his eloquent and straightforward teaching. Tim was definitely very intelligent; he had learned logarithms in the eighth grade. He taught me that math is more about looking out for patterns and looking for alternate routes to answer questions. He would constantly look out for me when I needed help; he was patient and controlled. He constantly looked after me like an older brother, checking on my progress and making sure I was getting tough math problems correct. Tim helped me countless times over the year and with his help, I was able to keep learning and stay ahead of my school standards.

Tim and I crossed paths again in the Math League in 11th grade. Math League is a club where high school students compete against other schools by answering highly difficult math problems. As I was going to run for president of the club, Tim raised his hand to run for president as well. Suddenly, a rush of memory flowed toward my brain. I remembered Tim's words of wisdom that had helped me become who I am. I knew I had no choice; I decided to withdraw my candidacy as tribute for Tim's help throughout my life, and I ran for secretary instead. Even though Tim lost the election, I was happy to give up my position for a friend.

Thanks!!!!

Ana123 2 / 3  
Dec 25, 2012   #2
Your essay is nice. I like it very much. You can probably could talk how it Tim made you into a better person or how he shaped you?

Hope this helps!!

Do you mind reading my essay, 'I love to learn new and explore new things; Cornell sup' any feedback would be great.
OP dragonmaster16 1 / 1  
Dec 26, 2012   #3
Thanks Ana123, I will read your essay! I am also applying to Cornell.


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