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"my friends' lasting friendship" - What matters to me most and why--- USC Long Essay


jc2015 1 / 2  
Jan 6, 2011   #1
Hi, this is the first time i post my essay here.
And though my teacher said that this essay is very naive and immature, i still want to write it and convey a real me to the admission officer. Do you have any suggestions to my essays? On my grammar or the flow of the essay?

I will also do my best to help yours. THANKS!!!

USC's speaker series What Matters to Me and Why asks faculty and staff to reflect on their values, beliefs, and motivations. Presenters talk about choices they have made, difficulties encountered and commitments solidified.Write an essay about an event or experience that helped you learn what is important to you and why it is important.

What matters to me most? It's really embarrassing for me to answer it. People have asked me that question for a lot of times and all of them sneered at my response as if that was the most naïve thing they encountered during the whole year. But no matter how immature and naïve I may looked like, I still want to give you my sincerest answer.

Yes, it's my friends' lasting friendship that matters to me most.
This all began with my parent's divorce. I know that divorce is so normal a thing nowadays that it can't be more normal, but not matter how usual it may be, it's still a catastrophe to a family. My parents divorced when I was in the 3rd grade. To be honest, I didn't feel regret for the divorce at the very beginning. The reasons to feel sad gave way to the opportunity to receive pocket money from both my mum and dad, the chance to move to my mum's house when father was annoyed by my naughtiness, and the probability to tell my father that I was to eat outside with my mum while I was not... But as days passed, I gradually realized that "divorce" means other than the physical separation of dad and mum. It means a disordered home where curtains were all shut and beer cans were everywhere; it means a drunken father lying on the bedroom's floor and murmuring my mother's name; it means a tired mum laboriously running outside looking for a job to feed the family... Most importantly, it means that I don't have a complete family.

I know that I'm lucky enough to have both of my parents living healthily on earth but the grieve experience of a separated family tells me to cherish integration and to cherish unity. So whenever I see my friends arguing with each other and jeopardizing their friendship, I want to do my best to help.

When came to relationship with others, my roommate became rather introverted and there was a time when he couldn't fall sleep late at night after he argued with his friend and since none of them were on speaking terms, their relationship continued to deteriorate. As I perceived the growing deterioration, the painful experience of a broken family reminded me of the warmth of unity and the happiness of lasting relationship, and I vowed to help. So on the next day I brought some chocolate for his friend and on the cover of the wrapping paper I highlighted how they had established a friendship with each other over years and to throw away something so valuable was foolish. My simple gift of chocolates got both of them talking and from that point, I knew their natural friendship would blossom once again, and it did. It was a deeply satisfying feeling to see both sides not only friends again, but stronger than ever.

Since then, I realized that even though I can't persuade my parents to reintegrate the family, I can help my friends appreciating the priceless friendship. And so I determined to become a listener, ready for whoever needs my ear, and an assistant, setting out to help others. Looking at my friends' smiling faces after I help dissolved their tension, I know that what I have done is worthy.

To help my friends appreciate and value unity is my greatest satisfaction, because I've seen first hand how suffering separation can be.

ZSY
Freya0125 1 / 2  
Jan 6, 2011   #2
I have a little suggestion that maybe you can move the result in front of the reasons why you cherish unity so much
mariatateno 6 / 35  
Jan 6, 2011   #3
I agree, maybe move the second half to the beginning. Check your sentences for missing/awkward word choices.

When came to relationship with others, my roommate became rather introverted and there was a time when he couldn't fall sleep late at night after he argued with his friend and since none of them were on speaking terms, their relationship continued to deteriorate.

Their relationship continued to deteriorate. My roommate became introverted and because of an argument with his friend, he wasn't able to fall asleep.

Make your sentences simpler, this way it will flow better


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