I just wrote "why wellesley" essay.
PLZ BE CRUEL... I do need helpful advice. Thanks in advance!!
Here's the prompt:'When choosing a college, you are choosing an intellectual community and a place where you believe that you can live, learn, and flourish. To this end, the Board of Admission is interested in knowing your reasons for applying to Wellesley College and how Wellesley will help you to realize your personal and academic goals.' This response sohuld be limited to two paragraphs.
In a capacious classroom, lights were off except a shaft of them from the slideshow machine. "This painting..." Not waiting for the speaker to drop her words, a female student, with eyes grasping the speaker's attention, completed the supposed contents in automatic, quick and confident way. Twice. Thrice. The same situation continued. The speaker became overwhelmed by those voracious students, who either displayed highest passion for knowledge or poured deepest ridicule on their teacher. "This is Wellesley!" I told myself," But I can never find a second place where women are like energy sources." Mona Lisa's Smile opened the gate for me to explore facts about Wellesley, not the outer reputation but inner values. Now, Wellesley never encourages its students to be housewives, without dramatic up-and-downs of life and without pursuit of success. What does Wellesley prepare for the world, then? The answer that women can require decent jobs and high salaries only achieve the least part of whole. In my point of view, this brilliant school aims for female LEADERS. Shocked as I was, my heart trembled when I started to feel something uncompromised during my broadening understanding about the school. But later I knew that was exactly what I loved, since the spirit underlies my future goal of establishing the first specialized psychological care foundation for teenagers in China. From the status quo, I realize that to better teenager's psychological state will surely clash with benefits of educational authorities and Chinese parents' typical concerns. My dream can possibly fade away when I spend the most important four-year time in a relatively 'weak' university, but I am convinced of the impossibilities of the disappointing result if I choose to be with Wellesley. I simply will not yield to realistic pressure and unjustified interruptions.
It is a head-to-toe plan. My first step, the basis, is to transform myself into a rigorously trained psychology student. Wellesley's prestigious psychology department and club provide well-rounded courses and discussions, enabling students to tackle the same problem from multiple angles. Chinese teenager's problem of socializing with people, their shyness, is not a single issue of personality but the outcome of social, perceptive influences. Outside the circle of psychology is a larger one containing multidisciplinary study about sociology, economics, history and art. All of these subjects are vital, though the opposite on façade, for a huge project like running a foundation in China. Also, it is anti-science and devastating if a psychology student goes on to cure problems immediately after graduation. Wellesley's internship program has offered the double check of the quality of education. I have already been interested in occupying myself with works in Germaine Lawrence or children's hospital. There are definitely millions of people more or less like Holden Caulfield, experiencing the stereotyped or abnormal mental problems in China, and I wished to help from the very beginning of the plan. One of the ways to prevent clinical error is to strengthen my experiences through internship. Of all the steps toward final accomplishment, the premises are financial support and human resource. I appreciate Wellesley's effort in developing large alumnae association, which may be the channel to raise necessary money and gather excellent female companions to truly contribute to future generations in terms of mental health. At last, I want to 'publicize' my social life in Wellesley unity, meaning that I will use details and stories about friendship and support to influence my little patients. Warmth, after all, lightens people's hearts.
Some of my key word(leaders, uncompromised) coincides the movie line when I later watched. I am now really anxious about it since I don't want to change my original idea and don't want to be misunderstood either.
Some of my key word(leaders, uncompromised) coincides the movie line when I later watched. I am now really anxious about it since I don't want to change my original idea and don't want to be misunderstood either.
I think that your words are fine. If that's how you think, that's how it should be. I especially like the part about Holden Caulfield.
mikeehnow
Thank you Wonhee. (I know a Korean girl who has the same first name. Wonhee Park.She wrote a book about applying for American universities..You know her?)
Aside from the grammar part, how do you think of the definite goal and steps? Is it too much?
