Hellooo,
This essay is for the UC prompt for transfer applicants, #1. I need feedback on content, organization, whether or not it answers the prompt well, and if it's ready for submission.
Thank you very much!
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What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.
I have envisioned myself wearing a white lab coat, blue gloves on each hand, goggles covering half of my face, my short hair in a bun, and black slacks, working at a lab. I imagine myself working with hazardous chemicals and mixing reagents in a small beakerïwatching patiently as those reagents form new substances. I also picture myself in front of a microscope looking at bacteria cultures. This vision, as I have seen many times ever since I graduated from high school, has strengthened my love for chemistry and biology.
In the future, I want to work at a microbiology labïto do research about current evolving bacterial pathogens and viruses that affect our everyday lives. I finally decided to major in Biochemistry and Molecular Biology.
To start off my college career, I enrolled in General Chemistry (as a freshman) and Organic Chemistry (as a sophomore) and its concurrent laboratory classes. The classes and the lab works have proved that even AP Chemistry in high school is not enough. Chemistry requires understanding far more depth into its applications rather than just mere memorization. It definitely is a challenge, but I am not planning on ever giving up.
At the same time, I joined the American Medical Student Association club (AMSA) at my school. Being part of AMSA has pushed me to go beyond my duties for my community. Working at health fairs certainly taught me leadership. At health fairs, I have been given the opportunity to inform people about a current disease, who is at risk, the symptoms, ways of preventions, and other important information about the disease. Talking directly to strangers has solidified my skill as an orator. Although, it was quite nerve-wracking in the beginning, I am now proud to say that if I were to stand in front of hundreds of medical professionals right now, I would have no problem informing them about new bacterial pathogens or viruses that I have recently discovered.
As I continue to take my science classes, I will continue to be challenged and become better at what I want to do in the future. I will keep participating in AMSA as to give me a chance to improve my leadership skills. I will also keep on enjoying doing experiments. I have gained (and will keep gaining) more knowledge about chemistry and biology from here on out.
Good morning :)
Mechanically, make sure you are capitalizing only proper nouns and the first words of sentences. For instance, "Biochemistry" and "Molecular Biology" shouldn't be capitalized.
In regards to content, I think this is a good answer to the prompt. You describe the experiences and what you have gained as a result. Your body sticks to your introduction, and your conclusion wraps it all up. Nice work.
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
