Just for fun at the beginning. Rice University Supplemental Essay. Am I being too honest?

This is my essay to Rice University but I'm not sure if I'm being "too honest" with my introduction. Please give any sort of feedback you might think is helpful or any modifications!

How did you first learn about Rice University, and what motivated you to apply? (250 word limit)

one of the most beautiful campuses in the US

It all started out as a joke with a friend back in 10th grade. Our teacher was absent that day, and we were left in charge with a substitute who gave us access to computers. In the midst of our college research assignment that was handed out, we decided that it would be "fun" to look up "Most Beautiful College Campuses in the US," and that is where it all began. Rice University was set at #15 most beautiful campus in the US, yet, I felt like it should have been set at least among Top 5.

I recalled my teacher having mentioned Rice as a great engineering school, and looking at its campus simply made me more intrigued. I began a deeper research on Rice and discovered that it was more than just a beautiful campus. Its engineering ranking and overall curriculum and activities is what primarily caught my attention by the end.

Ever since then, I began a "look-out" for Rice at any chance I had. Whether it was at a college fair or college informational sessions at school, Rice was always in my radar. Through conversations with Rice alumni and representatives, I soon saw that Rice was and still is my ideal school. It is set among a beautiful campus, it is a small school, which makes it easier to learn, and its contributions to the STEM field have been revolutionary - contributions which I would like to be a part of in the future. Aside from my counselors and teachers, these aspects are what motivated me the most to apply to Rice. I believe it is intellectually challenging and that it would prepare me well enough to become one of the best engineers in my field.

Don't emphasize that Rice is the ideal match for show. In my honest opinion, show us rather than tell us.

Its engineering ranking and overall curriculum and activities is what primarily caught my attention by the end. - why don't you use caught me eye, rather than caught my attention by the end.

we decided that it would be "fun" to look up "Most Beautiful ... - Don't include that, I'm sure they are aware where they rank in college beauty. Don't put rankings in your essay.

Hope I was of good and useful help.

I will definitely make those modifications and update. Thank you very much, @jason321 !

Stefany, the main focus of your interest, the beautiful campus, is what makes this a very weak essay. Sure you can mention that you first learned about this university in the 10th grade. That's a great starting point. You have to discuss something other than the rankings and the campus presentation though. Talk about the academic side of your interest as the strongest motivating factor for your application. You could modify the essay to take on a more serious tone by saying that you first heard about Rice University in the 10th grade during a talk that your teacher gave regarding Engineering schools. Talk about how you were motivated to learn more about the school because its curriculum objectives for future Engineers aligned exactly with your own interests. Make sure that you show a "fit" between the two of you in an academic manner. Don't make the response so lighthearted that it focuses mostly on the presentation of the campus, the ranking, and then a generic remark about how the STEM program of the school is impressive. What is it about the STEM program that attracted you the most? Indicate that as the strongest factor in your motivation to apply for admission to Rice. Yes, you will need to write a totally new essay for this response because simply trying to adjust what you have now will not improve the quality of your response.