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Hi! My future amigo; Stanford Roommate essay


sarthakjain 19 / 58  
Dec 1, 2012   #1
Here's the question in stanford supplement . please tell me how is it. be brute in your replies if you want.

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.

Hi! My future amigo
This is Sarthak, your roommate. So if you are searching for your room, don't worry. Just enter the one with that pesky smell, emanating with my brand new recipe I conjured up that day. You would probably be highly delighted or irritated with my love for food, especially exotic never tasted before food. Though I like to share, but my inner self feels you won't like the taste of what I have to offer.

So the next thing you will see is a room strewn with books, both academic and fiction - latter more than former. I like Austen, Bronte and Rowling and many others, and I like to study. Studying is my passion, so sometimes (and It is a request) you have to drag me out of room for a hangout. And mind you, I will make you study too if you don't take your courses seriously. But aside from that caveat, I am genuinely a helpful person. You can bash me up at 2 in the morning if you need any help, either to have a quick late night snack or complete an early morning due assignment ( though let me tell you one thing - the next thing I love after food is sleep). We Indians surely like to help people in any way we can. And if we ever disagree on any issue, please remember that I believe in compromise and I expect the same from you.

So as we are resting after a great orientation programme and trying to decide our future course, one thing you may find interesting is my continuous stream of questions about you. See I am a kind of person who loves learning about new cultures and new people. And if you know any other language other than English, please teach me that. And in return, I assure you that in span of 4 years, you will a master of Hindi, my beloved native language. And lastly, I want to let you know that I am an eco - freak that is, I like to save trees, save energy and save environment in ways that will sometimes appear to be over the top. So please help me in my drive for eco-friendly living space. I look forward to knowing about you and your passions too. Till then ...

With love
Sarthak Jain
exo101 1 / 8 2  
Dec 1, 2012   #2
sarthakjain
Your essay was nicely written. I like your sense of humor and your ability to point out your unique qualities through this essay. I just have a couple suggestions.

" Though I like to share, but my inner self feels you won't like the taste of what I have to offer. " - I think this sentence sounds a bit negative. I think your essay would sound better without it.

".We Indians surely like to help people in any way we can." - I think you should expand on this a bit more. It sounds like a bit of a rush and doesn't flow as nicely when you move on to the next thing right away.

" And if we ever disagree on any issue, please remember that I believe in compromise and I expect the same from you. " - I like the fact that you incorporated how you believe in compromise. However, it sounds a bit harsh. So word it differently to sound friendlier.

" I assure you that in span of 4 years, you will a master of Hindi," - too much of an exaggeration.

Overall, a very nicely written essay.

it'd be great if you could help edit my essay too ! :D
OP sarthakjain 19 / 58  
Dec 2, 2012   #3
thank you for your feedback ! I appreciate it and make the necessary changes . But the link you provided for review is not working , showing "thread is blocked".
college134nj - / 44 7  
Dec 5, 2012   #4
with love is a bit extreme... try some other salutation.
"so the next thing you will see is a room..." sounds awkward. just say something like "my room will be filled with books..." to sound more normal.

gl!


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