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"Future Careers" University of Illinois; Academic Interests/Strenghts/Future career goals


justin11895 2 / 1  
Nov 1, 2013   #1
Explain your academic interests and strengths or your future career goals. You may include any majors or areas of study you are currently considering. Please limit your response to approximately 300 words.

It is believed by many that consciousness does not occur until one is fully aware of his or her own surroundings. This must mean that we are not ourselves until our brains are fully mature. The pre-frontal cortex, the part of the brain that the ability to make decisions derives from, is not nearly fully matured in the brain of a teenager. So, how can I truly make up my mind on the field I want to study and contribute to for the rest of my life?

Although it may be blatantly obvious by now, the field of neuroscience fascinates me. Knowledge of the brain is also key to understanding the world of business. While pursuing a career in biology leads me to further understand the inner workings of consciousness and the body, business relies on the minds power to influence the masses.

A background in economics would help me to better understand the monetary state of the people as a collective unit. Money has astounding power over people. Advertising in particular shows that the way people spend their money is already predetermined by the minds of others. The ability to influence people to spend their hard earned income to purchase a product through a simple picture or short film intrigues me.

I If I were to continue with bio-medical sciences, I would like to eventually achieve status as a surgeon with specialization in neurology. On the other hand, if I continue with business I would like to enter the workforce as an investment analyst.

An education at the University of Illinois would be a key step in reaching my high aspirations. I would be honored to study biology or business at Urbana-Champagne and I believe I would fit in well in the environment of motivated, high-achieving students who value their futures.

Lydmeister 6 / 17  
Nov 4, 2013   #2
It is believed by many thatVery vague. You could either find a different phrase or delete it altogether. consciousness does not occur until one is fully aware of his or her own surroundings. This must mean that we are not ourselves until our brains are fully mature. The pre-frontal cortex, the part of the brain that the ability to make decisions derives fromthe part of the brain that gives us our ability to make decisions , is not nearly fully matured in the brain of a teenager. So, how can I truly make up my mind on the field I want to study and contribute to for the rest of my life? Do you really want to imply that you are not mature?

Although it may be blatantly obviousSounds kind of harsh. And how is it blatantly obvious anyway? by now, the field of neuroscience fascinates me. Knowledge of the brain is also key to understanding the world of business. While pursuing a career in biology leads me to further understand the inner workings of consciousness and the body, business relies on the minds power to influence the masses.

A background in economics would help me to better understand the monetary state of the people as a collective unit. Money has astounding power over people. Advertising in particular shows that the way people spend their money is already predetermined by the minds of others. The ability to influence people to spend their hard earned income to purchase a product through a simple picture or short film intrigues me.

I If I were to continue with bio-medical sciences, I would like to eventually achieve status as a surgeon with specialization in neurology. On the other hand, if I continue with business I would like to enter the workforce as an investment analyst.

An education at the University of Illinois would be a key step in reaching my high aspirations. I would be honored to study biology or business at Urbana-Champagne and I believe I would fit in well in the environment of motivated, high-achieving students who value their futures.

While your essay answers the prompt, it shows little of your writing ability or your passion for either biology or business. Try to include why biology and business are important to you not just what you learn in those subjects. Parts of your essay also sound a bit harsh and unenthusiastic. You have a good start here and do a good job of showing that just because you aren't applying for a major yet, it doesn't mean you don't know what you're doing. Just try to include more of yourself and your personality. Good luck!


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