Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 5


A Future Doctor: 7 year BS-MD Program Essay


lahariv 1 / 12  
Nov 15, 2009   #1
A Future Doctor

As I painstakingly slid my scalpel through the dense, fibrous connective tissue, one of the fetal pig's most vital organs - its heart - pulled away from the pleural cavity into my awaiting hand. I saw the marvel, all of its parts perfectly intact and identifiable: the superior vena cava and the inferior vena cava, the right atrium, the right ventricle, the pulmonary artery, all four of the pulmonary veins, the left atrium, the left ventricle, and even a flawless centimeter long piece of the aorta. Though I had dissected two cow hearts', and one sheep's, seeing that of the pig's was an indescribable thrill. As I positioned my scalpel parallel to the coronary artery and began the fetal pig dissection, with a single cut, it was over. I carefully opened the treasure to reveal the jeweled secrets of the developing cusps, the moon-shaped valves, the thick left myocardium, and the slender chordae tendineae. Right before me was a simple, yet complex, rare, yet commonly found, spectacle. I traced the path of blood flow over and over, marveled by how the complexity of this long chain of events occurs so easily every day, every minute, every second. I can still feel the sense of command I had, the sense of unity with my scalpel, the sense of elation upon performing an immaculate lateral cut, and the sense of belonging.

So rarely does one get the opportunity to learn in this hands-on manner. As I walked into the morgue at Drexel University College of Medicine, as a member of the National Youth Leadership Forum, I was captivated by not only the beauty of the divine human body on the bed, but also by the students. These students were able to run through the parts of the body without any notes or hesitation, as easily as they were able to share their experiences about the course. It was then that I realized that Drexel, unlike most schools, doesn't ask students to simply memorize chapters and reiterate the information, but rather, students actually learn the material and can even recall the minute details.

During a sample lesson with a Gross Anatomy professor, I correctly answered several questions and was rewarded with candy. I had about five pieces of candy by the time I left. It wasn't that I was a genius - quite the contrary, as I could not even guess the meaning of foreign words like latissimus dorsi or sternocleidomastoid. It was that this woman who was up there at that board knew what she was saying and doing. She knew what she was teaching, and she knew just how to teach it. I quickly understood that the latissimus dorsi is the flat, large muscle covering the back and sides of the body, and that the sternocleidomastoid was simple another muscle which twists and rotates the neck. So, when she asked questions, I simply answered what I had learned from the lesson.

It was at this time that the Dean of Admissions mentioned the seven-year medicine option. My eyes stared at the power point slide which described the process. I realized that this was the perfect opportunity, as it meant that I could be one year closer to becoming a surgeon. Like most other students, I too have wanted to become a doctor since I was three years old. I too have been influenced by my family - especially my grandfather - to enter this honorable profession. I too love biology, human anatomy and physiology, and for that matter, the sciences in general. I too enjoy reading David Cook novels and pretending I am in episodes of House and Scrubs. And yes, I too find happiness in helping people - from my family, my friends, and my peers to strangers who are in need of aid.

But, unlike most other students, I only volunteered once at the hospital.

Can volunteers at the hospital really experience what it is like to work with people - to cure people - by filing papers, by forwarding calls, or by cleaning up the toy box in the pediatrics department? These were the tasks I was given. Personally, I believe that I have had more experience dealing with patients. For the past four years, I have volunteered with children with disabilities via the community "Shadow Buddies" program and my physical education class. Each day was truly a new experience, and I saw that these kids really do need my help, and with it, they can slowly adapt the ways of our society. Vani, a child with autism and communication disorder, who was very selective about who she talked to, is now more open-minded and has a variety of friends. The credit goes not only to me, but to people like me, who spend time with her and teach her how to socialize. These people, who understand the patient, are the successful doctors of tomorrow.

Essay of Intent: [7 year BS-MD Program] (Limit to 1 page)
Tell the Admission Committee why you are applying to the joint program(s) with Drexel University College of Medicine. Be sure to explain why you want to be a physician and more specifically why you want to obtain your medical education at Drexel University College of Medicine. If you are applying to any of our accelerated joint programs, be sure to explain why you are pursuing that particular option.

o What can I cut out?
o How can I make the transition smoother at the red area?
o Conclusion ideas? I feel that it's weak...how can I fix it?
o Title Ideas? The one I have now is pretty boring...

Thank you so much for taking the time to edit this!
glorfs 1 / 10  
Nov 16, 2009   #2
I think the first paragraph could be more personal. As in you could mention the fact that you also have a beating heart. As it stands i feel that it is slightly detached.

How about something like this:
"I traced the path of blood flow over and over, marveled by how the complexity of this long chain of events occurs so easily every day, every minute, every second. I felt the very organ beating inside of me now. Its deep composed thumps assured me that I was perfectly at home. "

I find the proximity of the words "morgue," "beauty" and "divine" slightly disturbing:
As I walked into the morgue at Drexel University College of Medicine, as a member of the National Youth Leadership Forum, I was captivated by not only the beauty of the divine human body on the bed, but also by the students.

how about something that mediates them. like "cold beauty of the human body"

I think that "I had about five pieces of candyby the time I left" should come at the end of that paragraph as framing device.

I do agree that the conclusion is a bit weak. I cant think of anything right now =( but you should work on it.

My 2 cents =)
tobeJames 3 / 11  
Nov 16, 2009   #3
Hello. You very thoroughly edited my essay and so I intend to do the same to yours. Right now I am bogged down with work but I got a chance to partially read what you have written. I am curious if you're a senior in high school or if you currently attend college?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 17, 2009   #4
I think physician is a stronger word than doctor.

Wow, half way through this essay I stood up and cheered, and if that seems strange to you, well, maybe you are right. But... I cheered because this is so well-expressed -- that flowing first sentence, and also the first sentence of the 2nd para is really good.

I see the trouble you are having at the end. Add one more sentence to this little, separate part here:
But, unlike most other students, I only volunteered once at the hospital. (add a sentence that clearly states what you mean about why you only did it once).

(paragraph break)
Can volunteers at the hospital really experience what it is like to work with people - to cure people - by filing papers, by forwarding calls, or by cleaning up the toy box in the pediatrics department? -----> another good sentence.

Personally, I believe that I have had more experience dealing with patients For the past four years, I have volunteered with children with disabilities via the community "Shadow Buddies" program and my physical education class. ----> by connecting those two sentences, I think your meaning becomes clearer.

It should be easy to cut this down to size. Just stay mindful of your purpose. You are here to convince the reader that it is essential for you to get into this program, so spend more time discussing your plan for the future. You can take the stories about your experiences and CONDENSE them into one brilliant paragraph.
OP lahariv 1 / 12  
Nov 17, 2009   #5
Thank you everyone for editing this!
I really appreciate the feedback.

glorfs: Thanks for the in depth analysis! Also, I really like your saying ("My two cents.") :) .

tobeJames: I'm actually a senior in high school :). This is just a supplement essay for a medical program

EF_Kevin: Thank you so much for the positive support. It really made my day! :)


Home / Undergraduate / A Future Doctor: 7 year BS-MD Program Essay
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳