Briefly discuss who or what influenced your decision to apply to Boston University.
Having spent the first eleven years of my life living in a busy city in northeastern China, the move to the quiet Corona in California was a big adjustment for me. Simple things like buying a bag of popcorn from a vendor on the sidewalk or watching toy-like cars go by from the top of a tall building became luxuries that I had to learn to live without. Before I even entered high school, I decided that I want go to college in a city that could bring back my childhood memories. When the college application time came around, Boston University popped up from a pile of college brochures. After some serious research and meetings with a representative from the university, I knew BU was the right school for me.
Even though I've never been to Boston, I can just imagine myself riding on the crowded "T", shopping alongside hundreds of people on Newbury Street, or exploring the historic Beacon Hill neighborhood. The city of Boston attracted me to look into BU but the university itself instigated me to apply to this prestigious school. Studying alongside more than 16,000 dedicated undergraduate students from across the globe will broaden my perspective and teach me things that cannot be found in a text book. Since I plan to pursue a degree in Engineering, the distinguished professors and top-notch laboratories at BU will provide me with the knowledge and tools I need to change the world.
Boston University's challenging academic curriculum, advanced technology, and multi-cultural student body makes it the perfect place for my post-secondary education. After four years of enjoyable college experience, I know I will graduate from Boston University with not only a degree but also a future full of opportunities.
Overall, it's genuinely good. here's some mistakes you made:
Having spent the first eleven years of my life living in a busy city in northeastern China, the move to the quiet Corona in California was a big adjustment for me. Simple things like buying a bag of popcorn from a vendor on the sidewalk or watching toy-like cars go by from the top of a tall building became luxuries that I had to learn to live without(I think you are talking about something new that you have not experienced before, maybe it's live with not without).
Thanks for the replies.
"buying a bag of popcorn from a vendor" and "watching toy-like cars go by from the top of a tall building" are things I experienced in China but not in Corona California, I'm just not sure if it's appropriate to use a preposition here.
"You want to live in a busy city, but Boston is not, at least from your description of it. so try to change that" WOW great tip thanks a lot
Made some changes, hopefully it's better now.
One more question, do I skip a line in between paragraphs or indent before each paragraph when submitting it on the internet?
Having spent the first eleven years of my life living in a busy city in northeastern China, the move to the quiet Corona, California was a big adjustment for me. Simple things like buying a bag of popcorn from a vendor on the sidewalk or watching toy-like cars go by from the top of a tall building were lost luxuries that I had to learn to live without.
Cool alliteration, above.
For the last part, can you name two or threee specific resources that BU will provide, and that make it unique among the schools? Just a bit more specificity at the end would be good. I like your approach, talking aout wanting to go back to the city.
I'm not sure what type of form you are using, but usually submitting things over the Internet involves leaving a space rather than indenting. Only indent if you are uploading an actual word document...but I am not sure.
