I appreciate all the help on my previous essay. Unfortunately, I must write two. :(
I had no idea what to write. Frankly, this why I am a physics major, but I decided to do something I had just finished discussing with a friend. Too much history? Last essay, so I wait eagerly for a reply. ;)
Prompt:
Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.
Important Issues:
In 1978, an obscure landlocked country in south-central Asia experienced a successful uprising dubbed the Saur Revolution. Known for its mountainous terrain and historical placing on the Silver Road, the country had been isolated and had played little to no part in international affairs since early in the nineteenth century. Under the new government, the state underwent sweeping reforms in an effort to modernize their economy and social structures. These reforms included widespread literacy and education programs, the abolishment of forced marriage and the prohibition of gender discrimination, agrarian land redistribution and debt relinquishment, and emphasis of secular societal values. In a nation once plagued by oppressive feudal traditions, the liberation of culture had allowed many men and women to adopt contemporary hairstyles and clothing, while the modernized economy allowed an improved public infrastructure and an increased availability of contemporary technology. Today, most Americans cannot identify this country on a map. However, they are well aware of its fate and hear of its name daily. It is the country of Afghanistan. Currently, the United States of America is funneling thousands of lives and dollars into a war to suppress terrorism and stabilize the region, and as of June 7, 2010, it has surpassed the Vietnam War as the longest military engagement in which our country has participated. We are arriving at point in time that my generation must ask whether we should continue in this war, which experts contend is far from ending, or scale back operations. I do not claim to know the answer to this matter, but it undoubtedly is an important and insightful issue for my generation to inquire. By exploring the history of this conflict and the conflict's impact on the present, my peers and I can learn a great deal about the consequences of certain political actions, and we can reflect on what concepts, if any, are worth blood and money.
What brought the fall of Afghanistan after a relatively promising series of improvements leading into the eighties? The answer is primarily the Cold War. The group of intellectuals that led the Saur Revolution believed in a Marxist-Leninist form of government, and though the Soviet Union did not overtly assist the upheaval, the newly formed communist government asked for Soviet assistance in their reformations. Following its Containment Policy, the United States reacted by sending weapons and supplies to exiled religious zealots, disenfranchised by extreme cultural reforms, in an effort to thwart the spread of communist ideology. These American-backed groups became powerful enough to plummet the fragile new country into civil war and force the Soviets to aid their allies. Eventually, the Soviet Union, facing empty federal coffers and a frustrating foreign-backed insurgency, pulled out of Afghanistan, and a few years later, the government collapsed. The country devolved into a Taliban-ruled, theocratic, fascist state that fostered religious extremists such as Al-Qaeda. As my generation reflects on this moment in history, we must question the mindset of the Cold War and perhaps realize its futility. Was Afghanistan better off under the supposed evils of communism? Did we doom the Afghan people and ultimately ourselves? After examining the history behind our current predicament, we must hope to make improved decisions and to avoid these follies in the future.
We all want resolution. We all want peace. What is the price of abrupt withdrawal in Afghanistan? I do not want theocratic fascism to regain a foothold in this region or any region of the world. I do not want death. Nevertheless, if we desire to stomp out this injustice, then perhaps, we must use force. My peers and I must ask what ideas are worth fighting for, if any. If we choose not to fight for the liberation of a people, then perhaps there is nothing worth aggressive military action. It is the answers my generation gives to this issue that will shape the future of our society and the future of foreign policy.
Ah, I decided to check in and noticed I meant "Silk Road" in the second sentence. (Obviously, this was written in one sitting. I plan to edit tomorrow.)
"Known for its mountainous terrain and historical placing on the Silver RoadSilk Road , the country had been isolated and had played little to no part in international affairs since early in the nineteenth century."
Also, I noticed someone has changed the thread title, haha.
in South-Central Asia
an increased availability of contemporary technology
However, they are well aware of its fate and hear of its name daily.
It is the country of Afghanistan. - This country is Afganistan. your version is correct, so this is just a suggestion.
What is the price of the abrupt withdrawal in Afghanistan?
If we choose not to fight for the liberation of people
These are the answers my generation gives to this issue that will shape the future of our society and the future of foreign policy.
Your writing skills are impressive, but you slightly deviate from the topic. I could find direct responce to the question of significance of this political issue to you and your generation. The last para seems close to explaining it, but it's too general.
It's also a bit difficult to go through your essay because there is not clear structure. I could not identify the thesis statement, for example.
Best of luck!
I like this essay a lot!
Azeri gave better advice than I was about to give. I was just going to suggest doing a paragraph break here:
It is the country of Afghanistan.
(new para)
Currently, the ...
I don't think the essay deviates from the topic, but really, I see some great insight in what Azeri is saying. If the last paragraph got more specific, this would indeed be better, but how specific can it really get?
The essay does seem to be very solid: telling about an issue of importance for the future. You show deep understanding of the issue, too.
