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"what to gain from diversity"-UM prompt 2


bmore1991 2 / 4  
Nov 1, 2009   #1
Please find any grammatical errors and scrutiny is welcomed.

As I began to write my essay it occurred to me that the college admission screeners would be on the verge of boredom from reading a thousand essays on diversity. The essays would follow the common format of the usual social outcast or overcoming an obstacle due to their race and ethnicity. How could I present myself in a way as to not bore these screeners while at the same time being myself?

Let me be direct: I'm a first generation Nigerian American female that lives in a middle class community. The diversity of my society is very small since the majority of the people fit into one group-middle class, white, and carefree. At the moment, my world lacks the appreciation and understanding for cultures and people beyond the school walls. I wouldn't say diversity is our challenge but it is our blessing. Some of the places I have lived lacked diversity. And no I don't mean race, even though these places haven't been exposed to a great deal of it. What I mean to say is their unwillingness to understand each other and inability to move beyond simple tolerance distorts the view of the rich dimensions of dissimilarities contained within each individual.

Within the past years my appreciation has increased for the many cultures and experiences that make America such a great place. I came to understand that diversity brings a broader view with respect to our country's historic and contemporary role in the world as well as an understanding and appreciation of global cultures and struggles.

I believe that my education at UM will be much more than just a degree but an experience to learn about a different world, a world that I will someday work in and be able to experience a new interconnected globe of opportunities.
byflash 2 / 11  
Nov 1, 2009   #2
I think the first three sentences are unnecessary. If your essay has exciting material, you won't need to explicitly state the fact. It should speak for itself.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 3, 2009   #3
I think a lot of people would agree that those first sentences are not necessary. But... I really like them, because they must be refreshing to the reader. You actually sympathize with the reader, and that is something that I think can win them over and impress them.

I wouldn't say diversity is our challenge, but rather, it is our blessing.


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