Essay for a Game Design major

I've taken out any names or anything that might relate the essay to my school I'm choosing. It's unfortunate I must do this but this is the internet and I wouldn't want someone to take my essay (assuming its even worth taking...). I'm in a kind of a slump at the moment and this essay isn't finished but any critiques would be very helpful. be as strict as you possibly can! :)

Ever since I read about the Game Design Major at ________________, it has become the only University that I've wanted to apply to. It's in the ___________________, the school has a large diversity of students from all over the world and provides great academics especially in the _____________ program which has attracted me to this school out of all the others. With the rapidly growing industry and high competition between game companies I know that they are hiring only the best and most talented of individuals but I know with the skills and knowledge I can obtain at ________ that I can achieve my goals and get into a career that I'm most truly passionate

about.

On my seventh birthday my mother handed me a Nintendo console with a copy of "The Legend of Zelda". While playing it I couldn't express the awe I was in, the visuals held me in my chair for hours and that's when I became deeply curious as to how video games were made. It was at that moment I somehow knew that game design was going to be my lifelong interest. As I went through high school, my motivation to learn about 3-D animation and how to design complex scenery right down to the detail of a blade of grass had not diminished one bit, despite my friends always telling me how it's the most boring job in the world because you just sit all day writing up code.

I have a keen interest in _________ internship program which would very much help me to get a more hands on experience in the workplace of a professional company. I currently live in ________________ which doesn't offer me this experience as its main career choices would be accounting, tourism or law, which really don't interest me so this experience I would receive at ________ would be invaluable for me.

sounds as nerdy as they come but I'm already choosing game design so I guess it can't be helped..

over all pretty well structured
but last sentence of second paragraph, a bit confusing. clarify
good luck

Hahahaha, you are funny. Well, I am excited about your plan, because I recently discovered how excellent video games are now... like virtual reality.

Well first I want to challenge you: What do you want to actually do every day, say, from 9-5? I like games, but I do not think I would like to make them. Even if you are curious, are you SURE it is what you want to do?

If so, I wonder if you would also be interested in participating in other, related efforts... designing simulator programs, graphic art for web pages, and a million other things...

So... think about what you really want to do! I always thought of what I wanted to BE... but not what I wanted to DO 40 hours each week.

If you can convince the reader that you really do know what you want to do, the essay will be strong. Right now, it makes me want to see you succeed, but it is more informative than inspirational. Tell about specific goals, and about efforts you are making right now to improve your knowledge.