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"Gaming Revelation" - personal talent, quality UC 2 Prompt

PinkDori 2 / 1  
Nov 13, 2010   #1
Essay 2: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Any comments, feedback, revisions are welcome! Please and thank you! :)

"Gaming Revelation"

The only sounds I could hear were loud bursts of gunfire that rung from ear to ear. My pink, shaky fingers reached for the mouse to pull off the last few clicks that turned into devastating shots. Fearlessly carrying my camouflaged metal rifle, I hopped onto a bridge. Seconds shot by like bullets, and I found myself staring helplessly at the enemy that jumped out from behind me. I was wide open, defenseless, as I witnessed loud bursts of thunder tear through my body. And everything faded away...

Every day at school in my junior year, my mind would wander off into the virtual realm that I resided in. Though the sensation feels great at the moment, I began to regret this later on. Escaping into this virtual world made me forget my troubles, worries.

Every day when I rushed home from school, the first thing I would do is turn on my computer and play a game or two of Call of Duty with my friends. My work began to pile higher and higher on my desk, to a point where my computer screen was slowly being buried by past due homework assignments. One day in my Calculus class, I was called on to answer a question. Shocked, I stuttered a few words and the whole class burst into laughter. Embarrassed beyond belief, I sat through the rest of class not being able to lift up my head. From that moment forward, I forced myself to put more effort in school and spend less and less time in games.

Just weeks before the end of second semester, I was able to rescue my hideous Calculus grade and still have the extra time to join my school's varsity swim team. On days when I would usually rush home to play Call of Duty, I instead practiced stroke after stroke in my school's swimming pool trying to perfect my butterfly. Not only that, but I managed to redirect two of my gaming friends into a healthier life style as well. As weeks passed by, I was able to convince two of my friends to minimize the time they spent on gaming and maximize their efforts in school. Every Monday and Wednesday after school, I would tutor them in math at our school's homework center and help them catch up. This not only benefited them, but it also benefited me and gave me a clearer understanding of the material.

As I continue to learn and grow, I want to be able to pass down this revelation and help even more people to overcome their bad habits. As I enroll in college I, as well as my peers, will be facing even tougher temptations. I hope in the midst of those temptations, I would not only remember my accomplishment in high school but be able to influence those that are struggling around me as well.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Nov 23, 2010   #2
I have to say... it is not your fault! The virtual reality experience of a first person shooter game is ridiculously cool. How can anyone be expected not to play the game?

But I want to talk to you about ingredients in your essay. There is a difference between an essay and therapy. In therapy, you disclose everything for therapeutic purposes, but in an essay like this use only the best ingredients.

What do you want to change in the world?
What field of expertise will enable you to do that?

What are your intentions for the next 12 months? Tell us about something real. If you want to confess that you played too many video games, do it in another context... not in this essay. :-) You can write about your plan, and all that you have to contribute.
pokopoko999 - / 2  
Nov 23, 2010   #3
If you did not intend, I have to say sorry.
But this is funny essay. I laughed a lot.

I like this because all applicants try to show their "seriousness."
Maybe you can get in your aiming school.

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